


Ammonite Snippets

by my_morning_straightjacket



Category: Ammonite (2020), Ammonite - Fandom, Charlotte Murchison x Mary Anning - Fandom, Charlotte x Mary, Mary Anning x Charlotte Murchison - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:00:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 41,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27915670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_morning_straightjacket/pseuds/my_morning_straightjacket
Summary: Just some series of snippets I decided to throw together after viewing the film, Ammonite. Passionate and touching as it is, I decided to add some things to highlight the connection between Mary Anning and Charlotte Murchison.
Relationships: Charlotte Murchison x Mary Anning, Charlotte Murchison/Mary Anning, Charlotte x Mary - Relationship, Mary Anning x Charlotte Murchison, Mary Anning/Charlotte Murchison, Mary x Charlotte
Comments: 71
Kudos: 211





	1. Our Different

“I’m sorry,” are the first words that leave my mouth.

Mary hasn’t spoken since we left the museum but I am grateful that she allowed me to walk with her as we observed and appreciated the magnificent artworks bedecked along the pearl-white walls. Naturally, we spent the majority of the time admiring the fossils but I was most impressed with, and rather verklempt, by seeing Mary’s sea-lizard that she discovered when she was merely a child. Even though Mary was upset with me, I could see a spark of happiness in her eyes. Of course, her name was not brandished on the tag but I knew it was hers. She knew it was hers and I believe that was all that mattered. I was overjoyed by the sight. I peered up at Mary and we locked eyes but naught was spoken but there was no need for words - her gaze said it all. She was upset and I was the cause of that and it hurt my heart. But deep down, amongst that sadness and pride, I could tell that she was happy I was there, regardless of the silence that befell us the entire museum experience.

“Please,” I grab Mary’s arm but she snatches it away hastily, turning down a barren alley and my heart stings again. “My Mary, please, forgive me. I apologise for making you feel as if you have been misled. That was not my intention. Truly. You see, I have missed you dearly and as soon as I returned to London, my thoughts lingered on you wantonly. You are not some fancy bird in a gilded cage. You are far more precious than that and I plan to care for you as you cared for me.”

“To repay me, is that it?” She retorts.

“No! Nothing like that! Mary,” I take her hands, and this time, she yields. “I meant it when I said that I want this to be _our_ different. Please.”

Mary avoids my gaze but she does not shy away from my touch, which I take advantage of by reaching out and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear then gently placing my hand upon her cheek. Her eyes shut and I feel the faintest nudge of her face into my hand. In the few short amazing weeks we had together, she has always liked my touch, especially on her face. She has never said anything about it but there was no need. I knew. I still know.

“My Mary…” I step closer. “Don’t stay at a lodging house. Stay with me. Please. You don’t have to move in straight away. I understand that your mother has just passed but I can’t stand to think of you living by yourself whilst risking your life for your work. I would die if anything happened to you. Please.”

Mary is still and silent. I rest my forehead against hers and I soon feel her hands on my waist. Excitement ripples through my body. I have always been driven weak by her touches and affections, how little they are yet so powerful like the waves crashing mercilessly onto the shore back in Lyme. The sounds still echo in my dreams and make me homesick for those invaluable times and they do not remedy my saudade for my Mary.

“I can’t leave my home just of yet,” Mary utters and I feel my heart skip a beat.

“Of course. Of course.”

“I… I need time. I… I just need time.” Her voice wavers.

“Yes, of course. I understand. But for tonight, no lodging. Please?”

Mary simply nods and my heart is filled. Taking her face into both of my hands, I kiss her soundly and she requites. The kiss is all and more than hope. It’s the beginning of something wonderful and the feeling tingling throughout me is invigorating and delicious.

“May we please have tea together?” I ask. “I have everything prepared. You must be exhausted.”

Mary nods again with the faintest smile on her lips. I kiss her once more then lead her to my carriage, which takes us to my home and hopefully, soon, OUR home. When we enter, Anne shoots Mary a rather scolding look but I remind her that she is our guest and should be treated as such. She respects my demands as she should. It takes me quite a while - perhaps twenty minutes - to get Mary to talk to me about her mother. The memory is painful so I don’t pry too far but I am no fool to the importance of grief. Mary was there for me when I broke down and I want her to be aware that I will be here for her when she needs me. I will always be here for Mary. Always.

“Can we go for a walk?” Mary suggests once tea has concluded.

“Yes, of course. Where would you like to go?”

“I’m not sure. Perhaps you could show me where?”

I smile broadly and reach out to take Mary’s warm hand. “Of course. I would be delighted.”

I do not waste any time grabbing my belongings and making haste with Mary. I walk with her around the city. I show her the sights I enjoy seeing, the stores I like to visit, and the places I like to go for solace. The entire time, I watch Mary and I notice how carefree and nonchalant she appears. It makes me elated. For the first time since she has arrived, I feel as if I am doing something right. I feel as if I am making amends. I long to hold her hand while we walk. I long to touch her. I long to kiss her but none of those delights are possible. So, instead, I settle for linking my arm with hers. Mary accepts it and I feel at ease. Her hostility has dissipated as has my wariness. I cannot remember the last time I was this calm and satiated but most importantly, _contented_.

The sun begins to lower but it is still light. I take Mary to a lake where we are alone. We sit on a bench and take in the air and chirping birds. It’s delightful and refreshing.

“This is one of my favourite places to come,” I say. “It gives me space and allows me to think openly. I feel free here in this constricting city.”

I close my eyes and take in my senses until I feel Mary’s hand creep onto my own. My eyes open and I see her fingers interlocked with mine. Our eyes meet and before my burning desires can be controlled, I lunge forward to kiss her. Her lips are soft and clean. I am used to them tasting like sea air and salt but this is nice also. Everything about my Mary is nice.

“I am sorry for my outburst earlier,” Mary utters. “I… I have always been keen on my work. Hunting for fossils is what drives me. It’s my passion. I thought that you were taking me away from that. I felt threatened. I do not plan to convert into your society. I have no desire for it. You are right - this city is constricting. I already feel suffocated but with you… it’s different. You have offered me a home where all my needs can be met and I thank you for that but as for now, my home is Lyme.”

“Oh, Mary,” 

Hot tears press against my eyes but I blink them back as I scoot closer to Mary, holding her hands close.

“Don’t apologise. _I_ should be the one apologising to _you_. I did not ask your permission to do such a thing. I made an assumption and I am sorry for that. I truly did want to surprise you and in my foolishness and naïvety, I thought you would be just as thrilled as I. I understand that Lyme is your home. Part of me feels it is also my home since it is there where I found my light of life and my spark. I had never felt alive until I went to Lyme and I do not intend to be a stranger to it. You are free to go home whenever you like but for now, stay with me. Roddy is away for the weekend and I cannot stand to be alone. My abode will be far more pleasant than a lodging house. What’s say you?”

Mary’s face is blank but I can tell that she is thinking so I wait. If there is one thing that I have learned about Mary, it is that she needs time to process and conclude. That is what makes her so brilliant and what makes me so enthralled.

“The lodging house was loud,” says Mary. “I fear sleep will be lost on me if I take up residence there.”

My smile grows wider and I kiss her again. My heart has never felt so full.

“Come then,” I stand, my grasp never breaking from her hand. “It is getting late and we must eat. Anne is cooking up a resplendent dish this evening. It is undoubtedly one of my favourites. I made sure that she prepared the best for you.”

I lead Mary back home where Anne is a mere ten minutes away from serving dinner. The table is set adequately and I position Mary at the head of the table. Usually, Roddy sits there but I don’t care. Mary is here and I am coming to believe that she is far more important than he ever was. I rejected the assumption for quite some time but now, my vision has never been clearer - Mary is everything; she is MY everything.

Chicken and roasted vegetables are severed and Mary eats the lot briskly. She even has a small portion of seconds before she is delivered a chocolate cake and ice cream of which I ordered earlier on in the day so it would be fresh for this evening. I don’t believe Mary has seen such food since her eyes widen in shock due to the size of the cake. I cut her a rather gargantuan size with several dollops of ice cream that she finishes off beautifully. Seeing her eat with such relish warms my heart. I need to learn how to cook and bake. I will get Anne to teach me. I want to be able to travel to Lyme with the skills to make such extravagance for my Mary, rewarding all of her hard work at the end of the day with a nourishing meal and sweets to follow. She deserves it and so much more.

“How was it?” I check-in once Anne begins clearing the table. “Did you like it? Was it enough? Would you like some more?”

“No,” Mary shakes her head with a faint smile. “I couldn’t.”

“Of course you can! You are welcome to as much as you’d like!”

“No, I mean I couldn’t eat another bite. My stomach wouldn’t allow it.”

“Oh,” I titter. “Good. That means you ate well.”

I take Mary into the living room where we talk and read poetry together. It’s a calm evening but it means the world to me. I rest against Mary whilst she reads to me. I am guilty as of not entirely listening to the poems she speaks but instead, embracing her warmth, her scent, her arm slung around me, and the feel of her fingers as I toy with them and it is now that I know that THIS is what home is meant to feel like.

On the verge of sleeping, Mary encourages me to go to bed as she has done so many times heretofore. Back in Lyme, I would get tired easily after spending the day out on the beach. The sea air would take everything out of me and I was left exhausted. Whilst I bathe and prepare for bed, Mary settles into her new arrangement. After I finish bathing, I enter her room to see her sitting on the bed, holding one of her mothers’ figurines and from what I can see, it’s a dog. The sight tugs on my heartstrings and I find myself gravitating forward without permission of entry. I sit next to Mary and place a supportive hand on her back.

“I’m sorry,” I speak softly.

“This one was her favourite,” her eyes never leave the figure. “How much pride she took in them all… It was her highlight to bathe them all… almost as if they were her own children. She lost eight real ones so I think she turned to these as a… replacement of sorts. There's eight of these.”

I couldn’t imagine losing eight children. Just losing one was Hell on earth for me. I felt my entire world shrink to the size of a pea. It was heartbreaking and pondering on the matter draws upon my demon of melancholia.

“My Mary…” I peck her cheek. “I’m sorry. I am here for you. Always. Talk to me when you need. I am here.”

“I think it’s best if I go to bed.”

“Yes,” I nod. “Of course.” I stand and watch Mary place the porcelain figure on the bedside table carefully.

Mary stands and begins to undress and as much as I would like to help her, I understand she needs space. It has been a big day and she will need time to herself for a little while. So, turning on my heel, I approach the door but when I grab the handle, I am stopped.

“You can stay,” Mary’s voice is warm and welcoming and my grin is uncontrollable.

I shut the door and turn around. Mary is now in her undergarments, holding her dress.

“Only if you’d like,” she adds.

I respond jocundly, “I’d love that more than anything.”

Nodding, Mary walks and places her dress over the chair at the desk on the opposite side of the room.

“I need to bathe. I won’t be long,” she states.

“That’s fine. Take your time. I will be here.”

Mary leaves and once she is gone, I dash into my bedroom, making sure my hair is neat as it cascades over my shoulders and down my back. Mary once told me how beautiful I looked with it down so I made a special effort to make it look nice every night back in Lyme. I don’t intend to change that now. Once I am satisfied with my hair, I quickly rub perfume onto my wrists - the one Mary adores. I even place a minute amount on my chest. The scent is not overbearing but it is noticeable and I hope it will bring Mary to a place of comfort and ease. She has gone through so much and she needs to be cared for despite how much she displays and expresses otherwise. Deep down, I know she relishes in it. It’s all too apparent when we hold each other, kiss, touch, and even look at one another. I feel like I know Mary better than she knows herself. All she needs is a little push and she unravels herself just for me. It’s an honour bestowed upon me that I plan to respect for all my days.

Re-entering Mary’s bedroom, I take my place on the right-hand side of the bed as I did back in Lyme. I get comfortable and eagerly await my Mary. Moments later, she enters, clean and relaxed. I greet her with a smile and she reciprocates. She closes the door and climbs into bed. This bed is spacious enough for two but I move in closer as if we were back in the one-person bed Mary has in Lyme. I love being so close to her.

Leaning over the side, Mary blows out the candle, leaving the only light in the room the candle on my side and naturally, the moonlight. Mary rolls over to face me and my smile has never left my lips since she entered the room. I look into her dark eyes and see her scanning mine. I don’t speak. I simply watch then, after a few peaceful moments, I touch her cheek and her eyes close. My thumb strokes her skin and I hear the softest sigh from Mary. She slips an arm around me, drawing me in closer. My heart beats faster by the action. My body flushes against hers as my forehead meets her own and Mary holds me there firmly but also softly. I longed for this. Ever since I left Lyme, my heart has been set on being held by my Mary. Such a joyous feeling it brings me; a euphoria.

I don’t know how long I am stroking her cheek for but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that Mary is calm and content. That’s all I have ever wanted since she arrived in London. I just hope that she is also happy but that may come later. I just need to be patient. It’s all about patience with Mary.

“Thank you,” Mary’s voice is soft and polite. “I appreciate what you’ve done for me, Charlotte. I have missed you.”

Tears surface and I force my body forward to the point where venturing further is impossible. I kiss Mary fully and hold her close.

“My Mary…” I utter. “Words cannot describe how much I have missed you. I am so happy that you are here with me. Tomorrow is a new day and we will face any troubles then but, for now, we must rest.”

Mary nods then presses her face into my chest, inhaling deeply and sighing. I coil my arms around her, kissing her head in the process. I feel Mary relax into my arms and within minutes, she is claimed by her lassitude. I stay awake for a little longer, relishing in the feel of Mary in my arms and the realisation of her being in my arms under my roof. Laying here, it dawns on me that Mary is truly the only one I care about in this world. She is my rock. She is my fire. She is my happiness. She is my life. And now, amongst everything, I am coming to believe that she is my love, but that is another thought for another day.


	2. Green-eyed Monster

I am never one to experience the throws of jealousy but here I am, watching from afar Mary talk to a young woman about fossil hunting. Bright, bubbly, and beautiful she is, I feel as if Mary is doting over her. Her smile is wide and her body language is welcoming. Too long have I spent gauging Mary’s attention and affections. Too much effort have I put into her, into US, and yet, here is a young woman, not much older than I, smiling at Mary as if she were the most beautiful creature she has ever seen. My stomach knots. It feels as if all of my organs have been rearranged and put into the wrong place. I feel a fire in my belly; deep and minacious. Anger consumes me to the point where violence does not seem unreasonable. When the woman reaches out to touch Mary, my senses are heightened beyond my own natural exercise.

 _My Mary_ … I internally growl. I am supposed to be cleaning the tools we used earlier today but looking out the window of Mary’s shop, my hands cease as my eyes prowl. Blonde hair and blue eyes, just like me. Mary can’t stop looking at her. Am I merely not enough? This woman appears to be wealthy with her vibrant dress and expensive jewels adorned on her long, dexterous fingers. Does Mary long for her? The thought spirals me into a new dimension of madness. The thought of Mary being with another makes my skin crawl. I want to go outside and interject. I want to stand by Mary’s side. I want to kiss her and hold her. I want the young blonde to know that Mary is mine. Anyone who thinks they can take my Mary away from me is mistaken and I will gladly remind them of that.

Mary looks up and catches my gaze. I quickly snap out of my introspection and resume cleaning the tools. Soon enough, Mary enters the shop but alas, she is not alone. The woman is with her and more so, she is _giggling_. I roll my eyes in disgust. I don’t pay them any mind as I keep cleaning the tools. The younger woman’s voice is light and upbeat. She asks an abundance of questions, questions even the simplest person would know. I personally believe that she is simply trying to butter up my Mary. Mary loves teaching and sharing her knowledge. She doesn’t show it but deep down, she does.

“Mary, your work is exquisite,” speaks the woman.

Mary? It’s _Miss Anning_. Only I get to call her Mary.

“I simply adore all of your relics. You truly are one of the most fascinating, if not THE most fascinating woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.”

“Thank you,” I can sense Mary’s smile in her words. “My work is my life. I take great pride in it.”

“I can see that. You are a woman with many talents, Mary. I am in awe of you.”

For the love of all that is Holy… Why does this woman continue to pester Mary? And why DOES she address her as Mary? Was she brought up in a household with poor etiquette? It’s beyond infuriating. I haven’t been this irate since Doctor Lieberson tried to court Mary via a music recital invitation. It was obvious she was not interested in pursuing anything with him, which was reassuring.

“Is there anything that catches your interest?” Mary offers.

“Oh, everything,” the woman chuckles. “But I am interested in learning from you if that is possible? I would love to follow you and learn from you - to be by your side while you uncover the riches of the earth.”

By her side? _I’m_ the only one who will be by her side. This feeling is stifling. My skin feels as if it’s on fire and these tools are becoming harder and harder to clean.

“You want to walk along the shore with me?” Mary checks.

“Absolutely! I would love to learn from you and watch your genius.”

Mary doesn’t respond and the silence is uncomfortable. Is she going to accept? I hope she won’t. I hope she will turn her down. Mary and I collect our relics. WE are the ones who are still keeping this shop afloat. Mary doesn’t have time for another woman. This woman wouldn’t know the first thing about fossil hunting and she would only slow Mary down. She doesn’t have the skills that I do. She would be a nuisance.

“So, what do you think, Mary?” The woman pushes and I am close to pushing her through the window if she addresses her so poorly again.

“Ah, yes. That will be fine.”

Fine? I feel my heart fall into my stomach and I am beyond saving as my eyes fill with tears. Dropping the tools, I turn and leave the storefront, making sure to avoid eye contact with Mary and the young woman. From there, I race into the bedroom where I throw myself onto the bed and weep into the pillow. I feel as if I have been betrayed. The pain races through me like a wildfire. I may as well say goodbye to my pleasant life with Mary. Our arrangement is what has kept me going all this time. A year of pure bliss and now, it’s coming to an end. I feel it closing in around me. Soon, Mary will be rid of me and this new woman will take my place. All of the hard work I have put into Mary and into our relationship will be lost on me and gifted to this woman. She will reap all of the benefits I have so tiredly worked for. That isn’t fair but there is naught I can do about it. Of course, this was all just a silly dream - pure fantasy. How foolish I thought to believe this could work.

Once I cease crying, my eyes are left hurting and my heart wrenching. My stomach aches from the trembling of crying. I am left depleted and tired. I close my eyes to take away the soreness my eyes hold only to be interrupted when I hear the bedroom door open. I don’t move. I don’t speak. I don’t do anything. I am too hurt and distraught. I feel a small dip in the bed where Mary takes her place. From there, I feel a trusted hand on my side and my heart skips a beat. Mary’s touch always does that to me. The power this woman holds over me is provocative but also stimulating.

“Charlotte,” Mary speaks softly. “What’s the matter?”

I don’t answer. I simply sniff and feel another tear roll down my face.

“You’re clearly upset. Have I done something wrong?”

 _Yes_ , I want to answer. But how would I justify that response? I feel betrayed by her but she has every right to train who she wants and teach her genius to them. Mary is magnificent and anyone would be lucky to have her so close. I would know.

“Charlotte,” she repeats and the next words that fall out of my mouth are beyond my control.

“I’ve fallen in love with you.”

I swear I hear the faintest gasp from Mary’s lips and if I wasn’t so upset, I probably would have, too. Mary and I have been through so much together. She has captured my heart and I was, and still am, powerless to stop it. Beneath that rough exterior is a woman who is kind-hearted, caring, nurturing, and _loving_. We share a connection beyond most people’s capabilities and more so, beyond anything I had ever experienced with Roddy. I have been swept away by the merciless Anning tide and I find myself drifting further and further out to the point where I sink and it consumes every part of me. Drowning has never felt so blissful.

It feels like hours that we are sitting here in silence. I expect Mary to say something - anything - but she doesn’t. Instead, she stands quietly and leaves the bedroom. My tears surface once more and drench my hot face. I can feel my heart cracking and it hurts. First, with Roddy, and now, with my Mary - the one my heart truly belongs to. I am such a fool.

By the time I finish my second wave of crying, I am in the confines of falling asleep. That is until the bedroom door opens again. Another dip in the bed but this time, heavier. Mary is resting beside me but I remain stationary. However, Mary places a firm hand on my side then snakes her arm around my abdomen so we are pressed together. My lips part as I take in precious air to my lungs. I didn’t realise I was breathing so poorly until now. Why does Mary have this power over me? I am a hopeless romantic and I have fallen for someone who is not.

“Shouldn’t you go back to your apprentice?” I murmur.

“I sent her on her way.”

I freeze, processing her words. “W, why?”

“Because I already have one.”

Just like that, my newly cracked heart begins to glue back together.

“I hope I didn’t frighten you,” I say. “My words were strong and abrupt. I didn’t mean for it to come out as such.”

Mary signs. “You didn’t frighten me.”

“N, no?”

“No.”

“May I ask why?”

There’s a long pause and I can hear my heart as if it were heavy, hurried footsteps absconding a staircase.

“Because… I believe those words… those _feelings_ of yours… I have come to share them, too, with deep reverence.”

I choke back a sob when the words meet my ears and my heart feels on the verge of explosion. Swiftly, I roll over and capture Mary’s lips with mine, full and wanton.

“My Mary…” I stroke her cheek. “You have no idea how much that means to me. My heart has never felt so full.”

Mary sports a faint smile. “Nor mine.”

Grinning elatedly, I draw her back in for another kiss, this one more fervent than the first, and Mary accepts it, holding me close. I give everything until I need to breathe but I am determined to shower her with further affections later.

“Forgive me?” I whisper.

Mary’s eyes focus on mine but I never break our gaze. She then grabs my hand and raises it to her mouth where she kisses it tenderly, _lovingly_.

“There is nothing to forgive, my Charlotte.”

A whimper escapes me as I find the wind in my sails to kiss her again and this time, my heart grows several sizes larger and I believe that there is much more room to grow, much, MUCH more.


	3. Touch

Touch, touching, or being touched is not something that comes readily to me. I have always been reserved. Quite. Unobtainable. Solid. Stable. Visceral. Distant. I didn’t need touch, or, so I thought. Ever since I was little, my mother was always preoccupied with us children. Ten of us she had, eight she lost. She became hardened after that. She was never the same and neither was I. I turned to my work - fossil hunting. It was a good distraction. It kept me busy and it supported my family. My first real treasure was a sea-lizard, now in the British Museum with its fancy name: Ichthyosaurus. But alas, I couldn’t keep it. The food, rent, clothing, and medicine were in far more demand than my desire to keep it. It hurt to lose such a relic, such an achievement, but I know that my mother was grateful for the sacrifice as was I, especially when we had a festive dinner that evening. I hadn’t eaten so well since that day. Bittersweet it was.

I always found myself at the beach, on the sore, in the ocean. That was always my solace and it still is. I became tough and stringent. I had no time for foolery, idiocy, tardiness, and vanity - none of it. I found myself alone with my work and that’s how I liked it. That was until a young woman with long, golden hair, sky-blue eyes, and fair skin waltzed into my shop. Firstly, I was annoyed at her naïvety, stubbornness, pride, and wealth but I soon came to care for her when she became ill, not that I had much choice in the matter but when she woke, it was as if she were an entirely different person. She was eager to help me in whatever way she could, even though she was completely useless. But then, something happened. I am still unsure as to what exactly it was but for the first time in my life, I felt a connection to Charlotte. When she had finally risen out of bed, recovered from her illness, she smiled a gentle smile, and then did something completely unexpected - she touched me. It was a simple touch on the shoulder but, to me, it was far more than that.

For days, I couldn’t stop pondering about that moment. The thoughts and more so, _feelings_ , that were gushing through me… invigorating. It was a sweet gesture of kindness and support. Perhaps a thank you. She willingly, _consciously_ , reached out and touched me. She made that choice. It was soft but powerful enough to move me into a new state of the unknown. I dare to say that I craved more. It was enough to shake me and stop my work. MY WORK. The moment only lasted a second, maybe two, but again, it was enough. It was more than enough. I soon found myself beginning to notice more things about her - her radiant smile, her sweet scent, the way her hips moved every step she took, how she would rub her left eye first when she was tired, and how much happier she was. I began wanting more. 

The next time we touched was when she broke down in front of me. She collapsed and I caught her. She held onto me for dear life and sobbed. I didn’t know what to do. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before so I just held her and that seemed to be enough. I am not sure how long she wept but it felt like an eternity. Not because I was annoyed, irritated, or displeased, but because it was painful and I wanted her to stop, and eventually, she did. She was quick to compose herself and return to her feet, nodding at me with a hint of gratitude.

The first time we shared a bed was unusual for me. I hadn’t shared a bed in a long time, even more so with someone so young and radiant. The experience was new yet terrifying. I was as stiff as a board and I wasn’t sure what Charlotte was planning to do next. She watched me the entire time as I stripped down to my nightgown and climbed into bed next to her. Being in such close proximity to the woman was almost asphyxiating but I closed my eyes and slept soundly for the first time since she had gotten better. Next, was her holding my hand before we entered the house of Doctor Lieberson. The gesture sent shivers down my spine. She gently squeezed and I squeezed back. I don’t know why I did that but it incentivised her to coil her fingers around mine, holding them firmly and I let her for several moments until the door opened before us. All of these feelings rushing through my head were strong and unyielding and they were all attached to Charlotte.

The night was uncomfortable since I was not the socialite but it soon became unbearable when I saw my ex-lover, Elizabeth, charm Charlotte and befriend her. I had never felt such rage in my life and before I knew it, I left the room and scurried outside into the rain where I saw that Charlotte hadn’t even noticed I had left. She was too involved with Elizabeth at this point so I decided to leave. My chest hurt and I felt more alone than ever before. Returning home, I wrote away my sorrows, trying to make sense of all of this madness until Charlotte entered, read my poem, and tried to hold my hand but this time, I was uninterested. Retracting my hand, I turned away and went to bed. Usually, I would accept such contact and crave more but not this time. I just wished to be alone, my reclusive self. That always protected me until it didn’t any longer.

After finding a large fossil I thought was once lost, Charlotte kissed me. I froze. I was sure my heart even stopped. Her lips were soft, sweet, tender, consuming, delightful, addictive, and so much more. She kissed me several times, each time begging me for more. I was never truly good at kissing. I was never interested in it. I was always distant with Elizabeth but with Charlotte… everything was different. I kissed her back and it was exhilarating. We held each other and I felt warm. Living along the coastline, in the cold, darkness, and merciless winds and sea, I felt warm and comfortably confined. I was weak when her hands touched my face, GRABBED my face, and I let her. She gripped me tightly and pushed me to her. We embraced and I kissed her warm shoulder. Her skin was as soft as silk and her scent was pure bliss. Her body in my arms was a perfect fit. I was holding another human being and _enjoying_ it. It was as if Charlotte took every trouble I ever had and dissolved it with her touch. I felt open and exposed. The feeling was terrifying but I couldn’t stop. I wanted more. I wanted _Charlotte_.

Soon after, we were indiscreet but I didn’t care. I felt a fire inside me that I couldn’t put out. I craved Charlotte and I believe she craved me, too since she was the one who scrunched up her dress and pulled me to her. It was amazing, to say the least. Every time anybody from my past touched me, I felt a sense of violation. Distance was my closest friend but not with Charlotte. With her, it was my mortal enemy and still is. Touch-starved I was. Charlotte, too. But no longer.

Lying in bed now, reflecting on all of these things, I realise how far I have come and how much I have grown. Every time we make love, I let Charlotte touch me how she likes. Fondle me how she desires. Kiss me where she craves. Love me how she needs. Every time we interact, my guard is down. I tried hard to be distant with Charlotte but I found myself weak before her touch, her gaze, and her prying. I am at her mercy. At first, I was afraid to get so close to someone but now, I live for it. I live for Charlotte’s affections, touches, caresses, kisses, and love. She is the only one I feel comfortable within such regard. Not only has she touched me physically, but emotionally, I have been shaken and I have let it happen. The power this woman has over me is excruciating but I cannot do a thing about it. Is she even aware of the power she wields? I am not sure.

My thoughts are interrupted when Charlotte enters the bedroom, fresh from bathing. She turns to me and smiles her charming smile that always grounds me and brings me peace. She closes the door and places the candle on the bedside table before climbing in next to me. Blowing out the candle, Charlotte pulls the sheets over her body and automatically snuggles into me, placing her head on my shoulder and hand upon my chest. My eyes close as my hand meets hers. Every time she touches my chest, I feel as if she is holding my heart. At first, it was provoking but now, it brings me a new level of comfort I never knew existed.

I lay still while Charlotte gets comfortable. She nuzzles my neck, sending chills through my body but the best kind of chills. Only Charlotte can do this with me. Only Charlotte can break me down and step inside. Only Charlotte can connect with me. Nobody else. Only Charlotte. I coil my arm around her, holding her that little bit closer and granting her the comfort she longs for. No matter how much time has passed, Charlotte always feels so good in my arms. She is so innocent yet so strong. Before her, I was eager to sleep and wake to head back out onto the shoreline but this moment right now is what I long for, is what I am _eager_ for. I yearn for the day to end as night claims it, allowing me to hold Charlotte - MY Charlotte - in my arms, protecting her from every evil in the world. After everything she has been through, that is the least she deserves. She deserves the world and more and I just hope that I am adequately giving her as such.

Charlotte signs contently and places a chaste kiss upon my neck. I turn my head to look at her and her beautiful, blue gaze meets me and I am lost. How is it something so simple as a pair of eyes can take me away like a leaf in the wind? I could gaze into them for hours. Charlotte grins and leans in, our lips meeting. My eyes close as I sink into the kiss, every kiss just as sweet as the last. I hold her hand close, keeping it to my chest as my heart beats a little faster. Never have I felt so alive than when I am with this woman.

When the kiss ends, we exchange smiles before Charlotte returns her head to my shoulder. I kiss her head and feel her relax against me, something she does when she is fully ready to sleep.

“I love you,” says Charlotte.

My smile is uncontrollable and the butterflies in my stomach erupt. Every time those words are spoken, I feel Charlotte step even further into my heart.

Kissing her head again and pulling her in closer, I breathe in her scent and reply affectionately, “I love you, too.”


	4. Come Back To Me

My Mary. My sweet, loving, kind, gentle, compassionate Mary… She is sick. Very sick and it makes ME feel sick to my stomach. She has been bedridden since yesterday evening and she is only getting worse. I knew I shouldn’t have let her go out onto the beach alone. I shouldn’t have insisted that I stay behind and prepare dinner. I should have gone with her. If I went with her, she wouldn’t have slipped and spiraled into the rough, chilling winter tide. Because of my foolishness, Mary has a chill just like I did when I first met her. She is cold, pale, and weak. The sight breaks my heart. Mary has always been so strong but not now. Now, it’s up to me to look after her, which I have been doing ever since yesterday. Right now, I am pacing whilst Doctor Lieberson analyses Mary. I wasn’t overly eager to contact him since I know he fancies her but I know he would do anything to help Mary. He was here in record time as soon as I sent for him. Amazing.

“How is she?” I ask once he has finished.

“She is still very weak. She still has a chill.”

“Is she getting better?”

“It’s hard to tell right now. She hasn’t declined since I first saw her, which is good but we need to be cautious.”

“What can I do? I can’t stand to see her like this any longer.”

“I can’t either. I would suggest getting some of Elizabeth Philpot’s salve. That is what Miss Anning used for you. Keep her warm but not too warm and use cold compresses to assist with relieving the fever. Watch her night and day.”

“I'll look after her. I promise."

“Very well. Please, let me know if she changes in any way. I will check up on her when I can.”

“Okay. Thank you, Doctor. I will call for you if I need you sooner.”

“Very good.” Doctor Lieberson nods softly and takes one final look at Mary before gathering his belongings and leaving.

Once I am alone, I kick off my shoes and climb into bed where I curl into Mary’s side, holding her close, trying to keep her warm and take away her chill. If I could take her chill upon myself and be ill again I would. I’d do anything for Mary. The thought of losing her terrifies me more than any nightmare I have ever experienced.

“My Mary…” I utter. “My sweet Mary… Please, wake up for me. You can’t leave me. We have only just begun our life together. It can’t end so soon and so horrid. Please… I love you.”

I fall asleep holding Mary and the next morning, I head out to Elizabeth Philpot’s house after getting one of Mary’s neighbours to keep an eye on her. I don’t like leaving her but I need to go see Elizabeth. I haven’t seen Elizabeth in a long time. I haven’t properly spoken to her since that night at the party. I have seen her around Lyme on the odd occasion and greeted her as I passed but that has been the extent of our correspondence. Ever since Mary became jealous that evening, I have done my utmost to avoid Elizabeth. I never saw her in that light. We were simply being friendly but Mary thought otherwise. I would never do that to my Mary. I only had eyes for her and I still do. I would never betray her.

Elizabeth has a beautiful house - a beautiful two-story home constructed from grey stone with a peaked roof as an abundance of verdure surrounds it. I open the iron gate leading to a pair of pale salmon doors with a brass door knocker that takes the form of a female head, possibly of ancient Greek inspiration. With my heart racing, I knock on the door but get no response. I do it again but still, nothing. I assume that she isn’t home, that is until I hear something around the back of the house. I usually don’t pry or do not enter someone else’s home without permission but Mary’s health is at stake so my rules and etiquette are diminished.

I travel around the side of the house and open the large wooden gate that takes me to a utopia of nature. So much colour. So many flowers and plants. My senses are overwhelmed. It’s beautiful.

“Charlotte,”

My gaze is drawn to Elizabeth when she calls my name. She is a little dirty due to gardening but she still looks gracious.

“Elizabeth, I’m sorry for barging in…”

“No, no, that’s fine. Truly. It’s good to see you. It’s been a while since we’ve spoken.”

“Yes, it has.”

“What can I do for you?” She smiles.

“It’s Mary. She’s fallen ill and I need to purchase some salve.”

“Mary?” Her face falls. “What happened? Is she all right?”

“She was out working and she fell into the ocean and caught a chill. She has been unconscious as of yesterday evening. Doctor Lieberson told me to get your salve since that’s what Mary used on me when I was sick.”

“Oh, no. Not Mary. May I see her?” I can see the worry in her eyes.

“Umm… Yes, if you like.”

“Thank you. If I see her, I will be able to give you the remedies you need. Just give me a moment to gather my things.”

Without another word, Elizabeth flies into her house and returns to me within a matter of minutes with a large bag. We return hastily to Mary’s house where Elizabeth rushes to Mary’s side, analysing her as if she were a doctor herself.

“Her fever is high and she is trembling,” she says.

I watch her rummage in her bag where she pulls out several jars of ointments, distributing each one to a specific part of her body before applying cold compresses along her skin to absorb the heat from her fever.

“You take care of her as a mother,” I say.

Elizabeth pauses and I fear that I have said something wrong.

“She took care of you like one also,” she tells me. “She cared for you very dearly. Before you, I hadn’t seen Mary very much at all. She used to avoid me a lot. Until one day, you fell ill and she came to my house to get a jar of salve just as you did. Fascinating. You have unlocked something in her that I couldn’t. I’m not quite sure what but you have and I must say, I am quite envious of you for that.”

I am unsure of how to respond to that. Yes, I am flattered but I am perplexed by her statement.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“By what?”

“Unlocking something within her that you couldn’t. What does that mean?”

Elizabeth pauses then sits back from Mary and shifts so she is facing me.

“Mary was always distant toward me. Whatever I tried to get close to her, she was closed off and cold. There was no getting through to her. Looking back, I believe that she did everything she could have to be distant. It’s just who Mary is. Well, was. No, is actually. She is still rather distant from everyone except for you. It’s extraordinary what you’ve done to her.”

“I don’t believe I have done anything. I believe this is who Mary always was but she has shut herself out from the world to keep herself safe. After all that has happened with her family and as of late, her mother, it’s understandable.”

“You seem to know quite a lot about her. How long have you known her now?”

“About a year and a half.”

She nods. “That’s quite a long time. Longer than me…”

“Longer than you?” I repeat. “I thought you would have known her all her life.”

Elizabeth breathes a laugh. “I have known her for a long time, ever since she was rather young but that’s not what I meant.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand what you mean…”

“Come now, Charlotte, there is something about you that Mary was drawn to and I know it wasn’t your money. If it was, you wouldn’t be here caring for her as you do now. I know there is something between you and Mary - something that we once had - and it explains why she has changed so much. I knew something was afoot when she came to me for salve.”

My blood runs cold and I am at a complete loss for words but Elizabeth reassures me.

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. I’m glad that Mary has found someone to love her for who she is and care for her. You are very beautiful and you do have a big heart. I think you two are quite the pairing.”

“W, wait…” I utter. “You and… Mary… You were… t, together?”

“At one point in time, yes,” she nods nonchalantly.

I am shocked but everything makes sense now - why Mary avoids Elizabeth, why she hardly speaks of her or to her, why she got jealous at the party…

“Wha… what happened? Between you two?” I can’t help my questions.

“We simply didn’t work. I wanted more and Mary couldn’t give it. It’s pretty simple really. Mary has always been closed off and I suppose I was a fool to try and get her to change. She was always set in her ways. I think I knew deep down that she wasn’t going to change but I held out hope as most people do. I invested a lot of time into her, hoping that I would be the one to change her. I figured that if she took the risk of being with me, she would change but I was wrong. One cannot expect to enter into someone’s heart so easily as I expected to. You cannot change a person, only they can change themselves but it takes a special person to give them that push, and you, my dear, were it.”

“Why did she never tell me this? One and a half years… she never said a word of it.”

“I would have been very surprised if she did.”

“Mary and I have always been honest with each other… Why did she not mention you two?”

“She wouldn’t have, my dear. It’s who Mary is.”

I feel so conflicted. Why wouldn’t Mary tell me about her and Elizabeth? I understand that she can be closed off but she has come a long way with me. She is open with me and I respect everything she tells me. It’s a bond that we share. Did she think I would get mad? I’m not mad about the fact that they used to be together but I’m mad that she didn’t tell me. It would have explained so much if she did.

“Well, I best be off now. I have work to do back home. Here,” Elizabeth hands me several jars. “Use these every day. Follow the instructions on the back. Keep her fever low and don’t be hesitant to call on me if you need to. I know Mary prefers me to be absent in her life but when she’s ill, that goes out the window and I will do what I can to help.”

I nod. “Thank you, Elizabeth. I appreciate your assistance and you telling me about your history with Mary. I will send for you if I need you.”

“Of course.”

Elizabeth gathers the rest of her things and departs, leaving me with Mary. I sit next to her and place my hand on her hot forehead.

“Mary… Why didn’t you tell me?” I utter. “There’s no need for you to be jealous, uncomfortable, or distant from her. She is a good woman and I can tell that she still cares deeply for you. She will never come between us. We love each other too much to let that happen.”

I don’t expect a response but it feels cathartic to speak to her as if she were here and who knows, she may even be able to hear me. When I was unconscious, I was able to hear things every now and then. I just hope that Mary heard that.

~

As the days go on, I care for Mary as best I can but I can’t help my worrying. The longer she is unconscious, the longer her body is running without food or water and that would only be making her worse. She can’t keep going on like this. I miss her terribly and I feel so alone.

I lie awake next to Mary, holding her close with my head on her shoulder, arm draped around her, and leg across hers. Her fever has subsided quite a lot today but she is still unresponsive. That is until I feel her hand gently touch my own. I spring up and look at her. Her eyes are still closed but I look over and see her hand find mine. I open my fingers and link them with Mary’s. She locks them in place and ever so weakly, she squeezes.

“Mary?” I speak. “My Mary, can you hear me?”

I feel like I am waiting for hours before Mary mumbles and the sound fills me with hope.

“Mary! Mary, my love! Talk to me. I’m right here. I’m right here, darling.” I hold her hand and stroke it gently.

“Ch… Char… Charlotte… Charlotte…”

“Oh,” my voice wobbles as tears surface. “Yes, Mary. It’s me. I’m right here. Come back to me, my love. Come back.”

Mary slowly begins to wake, feebly stirring and squeezing my hand.

“That’s it. Come back… Come back.”

“Charlotte…” Mary’s grip on my hand tightens and I am finally met with the sight I have been waiting for all week - her eyes opening and meeting mine.

“Oh, Mary…” I swoop down and kiss her. “My Mary. You’re awake! You’re awake!” I am seconds from turning into a babbling mess but I just manage to hold myself together.

“Charlotte… You’re still here.”

“Of course!” I lean back and stroke her hair. “I’ll always be here for you, my love. Always.”

“Charlotte…” Mary brandishes a soft smile. “ _My_ Charlotte…”

“Yes, my love. Yours. All yours.”

With my heart full, I lean down and steal several kisses before lying down and holding Mary. I let several tears escape but that’s okay. I am so happy that Mary is awake. I will send for Doctor Lieberson to check on her but for now, I just need a moment.

~

Doctor Lieberson was very content with Mary’s recovery. He praised me for how well I cared for her, which I was grateful for. He has given Mary stringent orders to stay well-rested and to not over-exert herself too much and yes, that means not going out onto the shoreline and hunting for fossils. Mary was most disappointed but she understood.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, sitting next to Mary as she writes in her journal.

“I don’t like being bedridden,” she responds, never taking her eyes off her writing.

“I know you don’t but it won’t be forever.”

“I feel like such an invalid.”

“Well, I can assure you that you are not.” I tuck her hair behind her ear and kiss her cheek. “What are you writing?” I hold onto her arm, resting my head on her shoulder.

“How it feels to be bedridden.”

I laugh softly. “You will get back on your feet in no time. You just need to be patient.”

“I want to get back to work.”

“My love, please do not take what I am about to say next incorrectly but I won’t let you go out onto that beach until you are fully recovered. I was scared I was going to lose you and I am not prepared to put you back in a situation where you could potentially hurt yourself again. You scared the life out of me.”

Mary stops journaling and there’s a slight pause.

“I’m sorry for frightening you. I honestly thought I could get the fossil by myself as I have done many times before.” Mary turns so she can look at me. “Thank you for looking after me. I would be dead if it were not for you.”

“You don’t need to thank me, my love. It’s my duty to you - to care for you and look after you when you need me. I know you didn’t intentionally frighten me. The thought of losing you makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t bear the thought of it. I’m just glad that you’re back with me now.”

“Me, too.”

We exchange smiles and kiss. How good it feels to kiss her again, so warm and inviting.

“Umm… Now that you’re awake, I want to talk to you about something…” I say rather nervously.

“What’s that?”

“Well, when you were ill, I turned to someone for help… Elizabeth.”

Mary’s face is blank. “Oh…”

“She was a great help and without her, I don’t think you’d be awake right now but we spoke briefly and she told me about you and her… being together like we are.”

“ _Oh_ …”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Mary closes her eyes and sighs. She looks rather uncomfortable but I simply wait. I have learned that much with Mary - patience is the key.

“I didn’t feel the need,” she begins. “Elizabeth and I have a complicated history and not one I want to repeat nor speak of.”

“But she is a kind woman. She is very intelligent, giving, and wise.”

“Yes, I know. We simply did not work.”

“You should have told me. Is that why you got jealous at Doctor Lieberson’s music party? Did you think something was going to happen between us?”

Mary stills again and silently nods.

“Mary… That was never on my mind.”

“She was charming you, Charlotte, just like she charmed me. You were relishing in it. I saw you. I feared that you were slipping away from me and part of me believed that I should have taken Doctor Lieberson’s advice and left you at home. I didn’t realise Elizabeth was going to be there but, in reality, I should have known. She always gets invited to things like that.”

“Mary, there was no attraction to Elizabeth. She is far too old for me.”

“And I’m not?” Mary meets my gaze. “I’m old enough to be your mother, Charlotte.”

“And Elizabeth is old enough to be yours. Is that why you didn’t work out?”

“No, that’s not it. We were just two different people.”

“You shut her out, didn’t you? You were distant.”

Mary looks at me intensely. “She told you that, didn’t she?”

“Is she right?”

Mary waits then nods. “I wasn’t ready to be open with Elizabeth. She kept trying but I just couldn’t. I didn’t feel the way about her as I feel about you. Elizabeth came along and charmed me and proposed that we try being together and, being rather young, I accepted but it wasn’t for me. I felt no connection of any kind. I preferred to be alone and she didn’t. She wanted what I couldn’t give her. So, it was best that we ended things. It was awkward and uncomfortable for me so I made sure to avoid her in the future, which I did rather well. Then you came along and…” She stops.

“And what?”

She shakes her head. “You came and you turned everything upside-down for me. As soon as you walked into my shop, there was something about you. Even the way you looked at me, I felt something. I couldn’t stop thinking about it then when you fell ill, I felt even more then we started to bond and I was lost. So many feelings were up in the air and I was trying to understand them all but failing miserably. So, yes, when I saw you and Elizabeth together at the party, I was unnerved. Elizabeth is far more charming and open than I am. I knew that is what you craved and I knew I wasn’t able to give that to you just as I couldn’t give it to Elizabeth. It frightened me so I left and I must say, I was very surprised when you returned to me.”

Nothing has ever been clearer to me. Mary. My sweet Mary… She may be independent and headstrong but she is also so vulnerable with a big, soft heart.

“My love…” I hold her hands. “I knew there was something special about you when I met you. Yes, we didn’t get along to begin with but we formed a bond. You were very revered and distant with me but underneath, I could see your heart and I still can. You just needed help opening it up to me. I don’t blame you for closing it off to the world. You have been through so much and to protect yourself, you have been distant but in that, you have been alone just like me. It’s terrifying to take that risk of loving another but we simply cannot be alone and we cannot isolate ourselves from others either.”

Mary’s gaze softens as she rests her head against mine.

“You’ve unlocked something in me,” she utters. “And I was powerless to stop it. I still am. You’ve made me into a better person and I am much more content with my life now that I have you in it. The thought of losing you to someone else scares me more than death. I thought my life was only limited to fossil hunting but now I am coming to realise and accept that you are my life and I don’t want to lose you. I didn’t tell you about Elizabeth because I didn’t want there to be tension between us. I thought it would be best if you didn’t know.”

“Mary…” I kiss her. “You won’t ever lose me. You have my heart. You’ve always had it. I care about you more than anyone else in my life. I wish you would have told me about Elizabeth sooner. You never have to worry about her and I getting close because we do not share a bond. The only person I want is you and I don’t want to lose you either and the thought of it terrifies me, too.”

I watch Mary’s smile grow, causing mine to follow.

“I love you,” she speaks and my heart swells.

“I love you, too.”

Mary then draws me in for an ardent kiss and all feels right with the world. I have my Mary back and she has broken down even more of her walls for me. I nestle into her embrace and hold her close, feeling our love blossom in the room.

“Are you hungry?” I ask.

“Yes, quite a bit actually.”

“Good. I will make you lunch.” Leaning back, Mary and I share another kiss before I hop off the bed.

“Try not to catch the stove on fire this time,” Mary advises.

“I’m not promising anything,” I laugh.

Mary shakes her head with a chuckle and finishes, “Lord have mercy on us all…”


	5. Ocean

I don’t believe I have ever felt so loved. Despite it only being the other night, I feel so close to Mary. I feel like she knows me better than anyone. The tension between us was thick and heavy and the other night, we diminished it by sharing our first kiss. It was a little awkward at first but after a few moments, it was overflowing with passion. Mary held me and kissed me fully. I had never felt so alive. She touched me and held me in ways I only dreamt of. When she fell to her knees before me, I was lost and I had never experienced such euphoria. I don’t know what came over me that evening but all I knew was how desperate I wanted Mary and I didn’t care that my mind was lewd, I wanted Mary in every way possible and I believe she wanted me, too.

Sitting on the shore, my memory flicks back to that night of passion as my fingers dextrously bunch up small but beautiful white and yellow flowers. I picked these on the way to the shore. I am going to put one bunch on the kitchen table to give it some life and give another bunch to Mary. After that night, I realised just how soft and beautiful Mary is. Of course, upon seeing her, I thought Mary was gorgeous but what happened between us, I saw a side to Mary I never knew existed. So soft, gentle, caring yet so passionate and strong. It was exhilarating. Just thinking about it makes me hungry for more. I feel my body yearning for Mary’s. Hopefully, it won’t be long until our next lascivious encounter.

As I continue bunching the flowers together, Mary begins to remove her jumper followed by her shoes, socks to the point where she is only left in her gown underneath the layers. I have never seen Mary in such little clothing. The other night, we didn’t remove our clothes, simply weaved our way underneath them. Seeing Mary like this now, her bare legs and thighs, makes my body tingle. I watch her walk towards the ocean, granting me a splendid view of her backside. I have to shield my eyes from the sun to acquire a better view and it’s delicious but then it hits me, does Mary expect me to follow her? The thought sends shivers down my spine. I don’t like the water. It frightens me. It always has. It’s so unpredictable and vicious. So unforgiving. It made me ill to the point where I was close to death.

My gaze never leaves Mary as she enters the water. She doesn’t look back. She keeps getting further and further out and then I realise that perhaps she DOES want me to join her. I’m not entirely sure but I feel like I cannot sit idly while Mary is out in the ocean. With my heart racing, I remove my shoes, socks, and dress, leaving me in just my gown. I feel my body tremble but I force myself forward, stepping over the rough, and rather, sharp rocks beneath my feet. It’s uncomfortable but I eventually hit the water and the feeling causes me to gasp loudly. The water is cold and I am taken back to the time I tried to bathe in the ocean but ended up falling ill. Regardless, I push forward and see Mary facing me, smiling at me. My heart warms and I reach out and grasp her hands when she offers them. By now, I am up to my waist in seawater.

When I grab Mary’s hands, she gently pulls me to her and her supportive smile never fades. We come closer together and kiss. It’s electrifying. She kisses me firmly and pulls back but I long for another that I successfully receive. Unfortunately, Mary pulls away, creating a bigger distance between us. She steps back deeper into the ocean but I remain stationary. I do not wish to venture further. The water is now surrounding my abdomen and I feel like I can hardly breathe. The water is chilling but the sun on my skin is warm. Mary drifts even further to where the water reaches the base of her neck. Extending her arms, Mary smiles at me, encouraging me to go to her.

My hands rest atop the water, longing for Mary but I know she is not going to return to me. I must go to her. Taking a breath, my foot carries me another step and I sink deeper into the blue abyss. I take another step and another and the water is rising to my chest. My breathing is laboured and my heart is pounding but I focus on Mary and her gorgeous smile. I keep traveling until I get to a point where my feet can no longer keep me above water, forcing me to release and swim to Mary. I gasp at the shock of the cold as I race to her. It feels like I am swimming for miles until I reach her hands. Mary pulls me forward as I leap onto her, holding onto her for dear life. Mary encircles me in her strong arms and I can feel her grinning.

I lean back and kiss her. The kiss fills me and I no longer feel cold. Being in Mary’s arms makes me feel so protected like not even the mass of the ocean itself and whatever in it could harm me. Mary’s lips are warm and tender. I hold her close, kissing her with everything I have and it’s at that moment that I feel proud of myself. I open my eyes and see myself surrounded by the ocean that I was once so fearful of that just thinking about being in it made me sweat. I smile triumphantly then giggle elatedly when Mary peppers my cheek and neck with kisses. Then she does something that I don’t expect - she releases me, leaving me to float in the water by myself. I gasp in sheer shock but also astonishment. Mary’s smile is wide and bright and I never thought she was capable of such an expression but I feel so honoured and blessed to be witnessing it.

After a few moments, I decide to return to Mary but not before I smack my hand down into the water, splashing the side of her face, making her laugh, which in turn makes me laugh. Mary turns around, granting me access to her back that I scale. I coil my arms around her like ivy as Mary begins to voyage through the water. I do not let go as we move. In fact, I hold on tighter as Mary goes into deeper waters but not too deep. Grabbing my arms, Mary unravels me from her, forcing me to dismount. I am left floating once more but Mary holds my hands and guides me to her for another supportive and proud kiss. The kiss gives me courage and when she releases my hands, I keep myself above water, holding my eyes on Mary the entire time.

I’m unsure of how long we are in the ocean but Mary encourages me to swim back to the shore alongside her, which I do. Relief washes over me when my feet touch the ground and I step out of the water. The sea air collects the water from my skin but also steals my body heat away from me. Mary grabs her skirt and proceeds to dry me with it before herself. I wring out the water from my gown and throw my dress on over the top. Once we are dressed, we gather our things and trek our way back to Mary’s home. I hold onto Mary’s arm the entire time, sticking close to her as her body heat warms me. Mary places her hand on top of mine and gently rubs it. I peer up at her and she is already smiling at me and if her smile could speak, it would say how proud of me she is. Without thought, I lean in and kiss her cheek, which causes the tiniest of flushes to appear on her skin.

When we arrive home, Mary and I take a warm bath respectively then end up making love. It’s tender and invigorating and it makes me feel like a real woman - proper yet powerful. I take in Mary’s body every chance I can get. I study every bump, curve, and crevice. Her body is beautiful. It is that of a goddess and I worship it like one. Mary is so prepossessing in her natural form of nudity. I could stare at her for hours and make love to her for days. I am so grateful that Roddy has left me in the care of Mary and it pleases me that we still have several more weeks together before he returns but I chose not to think about that, especially in such precious and innermost times.

Truly exhausted, I rest against the headboard and catch my breath with Mary next to me. I simply have no words. I don’t know how long we were at it for but it must have been a while since the sun has gone down considerably and the air coming in from the window is cold - a sign of the night taking over. The breeze is refreshing as it cools my fiery skin but after a little while, it becomes a little bit too cold. I reach down and collect Mary’s knitted jumper from the floor and slip it on and I am immediately wrapped up in her. I feel as if she is holding me, engulfing me in her encapsulating scent and warmth. I then feel Mary nestle into my side and it causes butterflies to erupt in my stomach.

“Would you like to hear something funny?” Mary finally speaks and she sounds tired.

“Of course,” I answer softly.

“There once was a woman named Sally who loved the occasional dally. She sat on the lap of a well-endowed chap and said, “Oh! You’re right up my alley!”.”

I burst out into a fit of giggles as does Mary. I never thought Mary could make me laugh but then again, today and the past several days have been full of surprises. It’s good to laugh again. I honestly cannot think back to a time when I laughed so genuinely and cheerfully. It feels good.

“Say it again,” I request.

“Hmm?” Mary is tired but I want to hear it again before my exhaustion consumes me.

“Please?” I implore.

“There once was a woman named Sally who loved the occasional dally. She sat on the lap of a well-endowed chap and said, “Oh! You’re right up my alley!”.”

I laugh again and feel elated once more. I haven’t actually stopped feeling elated since our time on the beach. I hope the feeling never ends. I feel so close to Mary right now. Not just physically, but emotionally. I haven’t felt this way with anyone before. Not even with Roddy. I haven’t experienced such a connection with anyone in my life. I just want to be around Mary all the time. I want to hold her, kiss her, and be with her in every way possible. And to think that Mary and I didn’t really like each other to begin with. How far we have come…

“Mary,” I utter but I don’t get a response. “Mary.” Still nothing.

I look down and see that Mary is asleep. My heart melts and I place a gentle kiss on top of her head. Very carefully, I slide down so I am lying on my back, which causes Mary to shift where she nestles her head in the crook of my neck, rests her hand on my chest, and flings her leg over mine. The tenderness of it all makes me want to whimper. I use my feet to hoist the sheets up, allowing me to grab it with my hand and drape it over our bodies. I use the remainder of my energy to coil my arm around Mary and pull her in closer before my lassitude claims me and when it does, I dream of Mary and I on the beach where we swim and make love.


	6. Choices

“I want to try for another baby,” Roddy says and I am at a loss for words.

My body freezes and I feel as if time has stood still. I feel frozen but yet, Roddy maintains his gaze on me, expecting me to respond but I can’t. My throat is constricted and my mind is blank. I am at a complete loss.

“Charlotte?” He voices and I am forced to speak.

“Umm… I…”

“I think it would be good for us to try again. I know you were quite shaken last time but you recovered well with Miss Anning and since she stays with us frequently, she will be a good friend to lean on while you are pregnant and if anything happens again, God forbid, she will be there for you, too.”

Again, I am at a loss for words. I am simply not ready to have a child for two reasons. First, I am still afraid that I will lose this one like I did the last, and secondly, I don’t love Roddy and I don’t want a family with him. I love Mary. If I could bear Mary’s child, I would, but not his. If I had a child with him, my life would never be the same and I would not be able to live the life I do with Mary. I wouldn’t be able to stand it. I need my life with Mary more than anything else in this world. If I lost that, I would fall into the dark abyss of my melancholia and I would never escape. I believe I would die.

“What’s say you?” Roddy probes.

I stare down at my dinner and feel my stomach churn at the sight. I was once starving but now, the very thought of eating a single pea makes me feel sick. I am going to Lyme tomorrow to see Mary and spend the week with her. I need to tell her. She’ll help me. I know she will.

“I… I need to think about it, Roddy. I do,” I reply as confidently as I can. “It’s a big step for me… especially after last time. I… I don’t know.”

There is silence and I feel I may have angered him but he simply nods and continues to eat.

“Very well. That is only fair. Perhaps being with Miss Anning this week will help you decide.”

Yes, I hope so, too…

~

My journey to Lyme is long and tedious. I count down the hours in my head but I eventually fall asleep along the way, which makes the journey much more bearable. When I wake, I am coming into Lyme and I see Mary’s shop in the distance. My heart begins to pound at the sight and I can’t get out of the carriage quick enough. I tell the driver to go around the back to take my belongings upstairs. I rush in through the front door and see my beautiful Mary sitting at the front counter drawing in her journal a new fossil she has discovered.

Once I enter, Mary looks up and smiles that sweet smile I have been craving ever since I left her several weeks ago. Tears build up in my eyes and I race to her. She only just manages to stand before I tackle her in a hug and begin to sob.

“Charlotte… What’s the matter?”

“Oh, Mary…”

Mary holds me tighter and I sink into her embrace. There is no way I could go without being held like this. I NEED to have Mary’s arms around me. I NEED her to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I NEED her to love me and be there for me. I need it all.

“What’s happened, my love?”

I nearly break out into a new line of sobs at the term of endearment but instead, I lean back and wipe my eyes with Mary’s aid.

“R, Roddy…” I sniff, having the utmost difficulty stringing together words.

“Did he hurt you?” Mary’s voice is stern and I look into her eyes that are focusing on me heavily, cautiously.

“No,” I shake my head and I see Mary’s shoulders sag with relief.

My sweet Mary… She has always been so protective of me. I knew if Roddy, or anybody, did something to me, hurt me in any way, Mary wouldn’t stand for it. I would feel sorry for the person on the receiving end of Mary’s wrath. She would make their life a living Hell.

“No, he didn’t hurt me at all. He… he wants to try again for a baby.”

Mary freezes just like I did when Roddy told me. I scan her face to try and read her but I fail. I have never seen this look on Mary’s face before and it’s unnerving but what’s even worse is when Mary takes a step back from me.

“Mary,” I reach out to hold her to me but she repels, and my heart cracks. “Mary…”

“Sorry, I… I have to head out.”

“W, what?”

“I need to get some things. I’ll be back.”

“Let me come with you.”

“No,” Mary responds hastily. “No… I… I won’t be long. Stay here and settle in. I’ll be back soon.”

My heart breaks in half as Mary carries herself out of her store and into the back. I feel like collapsing onto the ground and weeping. What I thought would be a beautiful reunion has turned completely around and I feel as if Mary is a stranger to me. I have never felt so alone and beside myself.

“All of your things are upstairs, Mrs. Murchison,” the driver tells me.

“Thank you,” I force a smile. “That will be all.”

“Very well, ma’am.” He nods me farewell and leaves and now, I am truly all alone.

~

When I hear Mary return, I am quick on my feet to greet her. I unpacked my things and did some cleaning around the house in the meantime. When I see Mary, she still has the same blank expression on her face as she did when she left. It’s almost as if the old Mary has returned - reserved, monosyllabic, and distant.

“What did you get?” I ask.

“Just some things for dinner.”

Mary places the basket on the table and begins unpacking silently. The tension is thick and uncomfortable. I cannot tell if Mary is mad at me or not. I don’t ask since that can sometimes make Mary more distant so I just help her prepare for dinner. It’s a simple stew with bread on the side. My travels have left me famished but I don’t feel like eating much since Mary is still and it’s gotten to a point where I can’t stand it any longer.

“Say something,” I beg.

In true Mary fashion, she remains silent while she eats and it kills me. It feels like an eternity before she decides to speak.

“Do you want a family with him?”

“No.” And I don’t.

“I thought you wanted children? I see how you look at them - at babies - I know you yearn for one of your own. He can give that to you.”

“I don’t want children with Roddy. If I have a child with him, my life will never be the same. OUR life will never be the same.”

“I don’t wish to stand in the way of your happiness, Charlotte. If you want to have a family of your own - a child - then you do that. I won’t stop you.”

Mary takes her empty bowl to the wash bucket, leaving me at the table. No. I can’t have this. With tears threatening to spill over, I stand, race over to Mary, spin her around, grab her face, and kiss her hard.

“I want you more than I want a family of my own,” I say. “Yes, I do long for a child but my longing for you is far greater. If I could, I would happily spend the rest of my days here in Lyme with you where we walk the shoreline hunting for fossils, cleaning them together, studying them together, and selling them to make a living. I would do all of that with you. I love you.”

“I doubt that you would give up your comfortable lifestyle in London so easily.” Mary turns away from me and my heart shatters again.

I’ve hurt her. I’ve hurt her deeply. _No_.

“Mary, please,” I beg, on the cusp of crumbling.

“I must get ready for bed now. I plan to have an early start tomorrow.”

Mary pushes past me and leaves the kitchen and that’s when my tears begin to flow. Even though my decision is yet to be made, I feel as if it already has been and I have already lost my Mary. I feel like I don’t belong here. I feel like I should return to London. I feel like Mary resents me. The suggestion was not of my own. I do not want a family with Roddy. I want to be with Mary. I can’t lose what we have. I will be far worse than I was when I first came to Lyme. I’ll be sitting on Death’s door and I would welcome it to be opened.

I spend the remainder of the evening cleaning and seeing where Mary is up to in regards to her fossils. She has found quite a lot since the last time I was here but I fear Mary will not share what she has with me and I may just have to return to London. I cannot bear to have my time with Mary somber. It’s already breaking me into two and if it keeps up, by the end of the week I will be nothing.

Eventually, I retire for the evening since today has left me depleted. I find myself avoiding the bedroom as much as I can until I have to physically go to bed once I finish bathing. I open the door and see Mary resting on her side with her eyes closed. Seeing her sleep always makes me smile. She looks so peaceful and content. I hope she is having a good dream. She deserves that.

I quietly creep around to my side of the bed where I place my candle gently. I pull back the sheets and slip in next to Mary, already feeling the warmth of the bed that always nestles me to sleep. However, I am not sure how well I will be able to sleep tonight. I always sleep in Mary’s arms but, clearly, I will not this time. I snuggle down in the bed as best I can and simply lay there, listening to the soothing sound of the waves crashing into the ocean outside. Between that noise and being held by my love, sleep is quickly acquired and each sleep is as blissful as the next. Before Mary, I never knew sleep to be so cathartic and pleasurable.

I am unsure as to how long I am lying awake as the candlelight flickers against the ill-painted pale walls that I have come to love, but Mary rolls over and I automatically look at her and, to my surprise, she opens her eyes and meets my gaze. I freeze and watch her watching me. I expect her to either speak or close her eyes but she does neither. Instead, she reaches out and curls her arm around my waist, guiding me to lay on my side and face her properly so I do. We are now an inch apart and to me, it feels like miles. Mary’s hand then slides along my side, sending tingles all through me. I close my eyes and relish in the feeling but what takes me completely by surprise is when Mary raises her hand to place it on my cheek, stroking it sweetly.

A lump rises in my throat and I think Mary senses this as she leans in to kiss me and it makes me whimper. Mary pulls me in closer and hardens the kisses so they are full and passionate. Soon, I reciprocate and our kisses are languid and wanton and they make my belly heat up. My hand finds its way into Mary’s beautiful, brown locks as hers finds its way under my nightgown and up my leg. I welcome her touches as her palm gently caresses over my backside and up my back. I find myself pushing Mary onto her back for me to rest on top of her, also allowing her more access to my body. Mary’s hands glide over my back, backside, and legs as we kiss and it leaves me craving more. I have missed Mary so much and after everything that has happened, I need this. I need it more than anything.

So, with my desires set, I put a bit of space between Mary and me so I can remove my nightgown completely and Mary requites. Within the next minute, I am on my back being loved by my Mary. She touches my body in ways I never knew and each time is just as amazing, if not more amazing than the last. Whenever Roddy used to love me, it was distant and rather rough. I felt it was very much about him more than me or simply being equal. Not much pleasure was granted to me but with Mary, it’s completely different. I am loved in every aspect and I feel like a real woman. Mary pleases me more than Roddy ever did and I truly believe more than any man ever could.

Trembling from head to toe, Mary gives me one final kiss before moving off of me. I’m sweating and the thought of dipping in the ocean would be delightful but my legs are incapable of movement so I remain still as I draw precious air back into my lungs. I turn to Mary who is also flustered. I just hope that I have pleased her just as well as she pleased me. I have never told Mary this but one of my biggest anxieties is that I fail to please her as she needs. She has been with women before, well, one woman of my knowledge, so she knows what she is doing and I am sure she knows what she likes being done to her, I presume. I have never spoken with her in-depth about that and I don’t particularly want to.

Just when I catch my breath and my heartbeat begins to subside in pace, Mary rolls onto her side again and focuses on me. I turn my head and watch as Mary extends her arm, ultimately pulling me into her chest. I roll into it and as soon as a kiss falls on my head, I am overwhelmed and I crumble. Mary instantly coos me, soothing me as best she can amongst my hysterics. I stain her skin with my tears and I feel my bones shake. The whole time, Mary never lets me go. She holds me tightly and just lets me cry. I pour out every emotion I have experienced within the past two days and the experience is cathartic. I don’t like crying in front of Mary but she is the only one I can cry in front of. I feel safe and protected and I know that Mary understands and even if she doesn’t, she accepts and it and supports me.

When my tears cease after an unknown amount of time, I am now truly exhausted. My eyes hurt, my chest aches, and my body is weak but being cradled in Mary’s strong arms brings me comfort and peace, and the thought that everything will be okay. How I wish it was this time.

“I thought you hated me,” I blurt out.

“Hate?” Mary echoes. “My Charlotte, I could never hate you.”

“Then why did you avoid me all evening?”

I hear Mary breathe a little heavier before answering. “Because I didn’t know what to do. I… I felt like I had lost you and that frightened me.”

Another tear escapes me and I manage to find a slither of strength to crawl up to meet Mary’s face and kiss her.

“You will never lose me, my love. I am with you forever and always.” I stroke her cheek, causing Mary to close her eyes.

“Then don’t have a child with him. Please,” her voice ever so slightly wobbles and what’s left of my heart perishes.

“I don’t want to. Please, believe me when I say that. I… I just don’t know what do to.”

“Do not fret, darling girl,” Mary kisses my head and presses it back against her chest. “We will find a way. We always do.”

~

The next morning, I’m feeling vastly better, even though my situation hasn’t changed. I wake in Mary’s arms where she greets me with loving kisses and caresses before taking me downstairs and making me a hardy breakfast. I briefly mention the night before but Mary tells me not to worry and to just focus on today. I take her word and gear up for hunting on the coastline and, thankfully but also not surprisingly, it takes my mind off my troubles. Mary and I find many fossils together and spend quite a while trying to get a larger fossil out from the cliffside. We get it eventually and with a full haul, we return to the shop where we begin the process of cleaning, etching, and documenting.

By the end of the evening, I am exhausted and when it’s time for bed, I nestle straight into Mary’s arms, relishing in her scent and hold.

“How are you feeling?” Mary asks.

“Tired.”

She breathes a laugh. “I know that. I mean about your situation.”

“I haven’t thought about it much today. I made sure to focus on our work more than anything. It’s been a good day in that regard. I can’t think about it too much or else I begin to worry and I don’t want to be back in the pit that I was in yesterday. I want my time here to be joyous as it usually is.”

There’s a long pause until Mary eventually says, “Don’t have a baby with him, Charlotte. Please. Tell him no. I… I don’t want to lose you.”

There is so much emotion in Mary’s voice it tugs on my heartstrings.

“I don’t want to have a baby with him but if I say no… what will become of me?”

“What do you mean?”

“He may not have a use for me anymore. He may resent me and cast me out of the house with nothing. I will have nothing to give you. I will be a burden on you as I once was. I cannot do that to you.”

“Charlotte,” Mary tucks my hair behind my ear. “None of that matters. I don’t think you’ll find that Roderick will cast you out but if he did, I would welcome you to stay with me. I will look after you and care for you. Money and reputation don’t matter to me. If you are comfortable being here with me, like this, living this life, then it will be the life we have together but, if not… then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“Mary,” I hold her face. “Nothing would make me happier than to live this life with you forever and always. Please, don’t doubt that. Coming here is my favourite thing. Yes, I do like the life I have in London where it is safe and we can do our work without having to worry about scaling the beach in all weathers but I would choose you over any of the luxuries London has to offer. I just want to be able to give to you as you have given to me and I fear that if Roddy has no use for me any longer, I won’t be able to do that. That is the only thing I am fearful of.”

“Do you still love him?”

I shake my head. “No. I only love you, my darling. All I want is to be with you. If I could marry you, I would.”

I hear the faintest gasp from Mary’s lips and I see a shift in her eyes. They are soft and on the brink of tears but she pushes her vulnerability to the side and takes my hand.

“Trust me,” she says. “No matter what happens, I will be there for you.”

“I know you will.”

“Good.” Mary pulls me forward for a kiss and I return to her embrace and in my dreams, I envision my future with Mary, right here in Lyme as we hunt for fossils during the day and make passionate love in the night…


	7. Choices (Part 2)

When I return to London, I find myself back in the position I once was several weeks ago - sitting at the table across from Roddy as we eat dinner. I am nervous beyond words but I have had plenty of time to think and I don’t want a family with him. I can’t have one. I want my life with Mary and if me saying no to him means that he will divorce me then so be it. I have Mary and I don’t need anything or anyone else. I know she will care for me and love me as I am as she has done so. She is all I need.

“So, have you thought any more about my proposition about trying to make another baby?”

The words leave Roddy’s mouth and chills tingle through me. I swallow anxiously as I look up at him and his face is gentle and I think he believes that I will be a good wife and agree to everything he says but not this time. Ever since I met Mary, I have become more assertive and I think Roddy finds it a challenge. He disapproves of a lot of things I do now but I care less and less as the days go on. The only approval I strive for is Mary’s. Nobody else’s matters.

“Yes, I have,” I answer. “And I don’t think having another baby is a good idea.”

Roddy stops eating and peers up at me, a small frown on his forehead but I remain strong.

“And why is that?”

“Well, medically, it wouldn’t be good for me. With my condition, it would be unwise of me to have a baby.”

“Your condition is cured, Charlotte. Lyme was the best thing to ever happen to you.”

Yes, it certainly was.

“Yes, but as for my body, who is to say that I won’t lose another? You already know that I have troubles with my monthly cycles.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try for another.”

“It’s not safe for me, Roddy. Don’t you remember how ill I was? We lost a baby and I was unwell for quite some time. I don’t want to risk that again.”

Roddy is silent as he wipes his mouth with a napkin and the silence is becoming unnerving. I can tell he is upset, perhaps angry, but I simply cannot have a baby with him. I am not lying with my words. I was unwell and I have always had menstrual problems. It is both a curse and a blessing in these trying times.

“Have you spoken to a doctor about this?” He questions.

“No, but I have heard about it amongst other women and it makes sense. Mary’s mother lost eight babies. Only Mary and her brother survived. Mary told me about it and did some investigating when she was younger and women who lost a child before it was born had a higher chance of losing another. Unfortunately, in Mary’s family, children weren’t expected to live very long due to their poor conditions but thankfully, Mary did. She said it would be unwise and rather dangerous for someone of my delicate physique to try for another baby, especially after losing one.”

“So you spoke to her about it?”

“Yes. I confided in her about our conversation and she educated me on the matter.” Which she did. Mary and I had a long talk about it and it broke my heart knowing that I may not be able to bear children but it would grant me a life with Mary, which is all I could ever want.

Roddy is silent once more and I can tell that he is frustrated. I know he wants this. I know he was devastated when we lost our first but he moved on a lot quicker than I did. It was much easier for him. He didn’t share that bond that the baby and I had. I felt that it was a girl. I just had a feeling in me. I was so excited to be a mother. I always adored children when I was younger and dreamed of having one of my own once I grew up only to have that dream turn into a nightmare. However, that all changed for me when I met Miss Mary Anning - the woman who transformed my life forever.

“Well, then,” he speaks. “That is a very solid point; very salient,” he nods. “As much as I’d like another baby… perhaps now isn’t the time… I cannot say that I’m not disappointed. I think it would be wise for us to get a viewing with a doctor and see what he thinks.”

“That seems fair.”

“Very good. I’ll arrange for a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. When Miss Anning comes to stay next week, give her my thanks for educating you. I will be away for two weeks with some of the other members of the Geographical Society, you remember?” I nod. “It may span out to three weeks but we shall see where our journey takes us. I’m sure Miss Anning will continue to guide you in the field of paleontology. You have come a long way since meeting her. I am proud of you.”

I smile genuinely at Roddy who gives me a gentle grin.

“Thank you, Roddy.”

He nods then pushes out his chair and stands.

“I best get ready for bed now. I shall see you upstairs.”

I watch him leave and the only thing on my mind is my doctor’s appointment tomorrow and let’s just hope that everything goes smoothly…

~

“Mrs. Murchison, Miss Anning has arrived.”

Anne’s words spark up a fire in me that causes me to rush out from my bedroom and race downstairs to where I find Mary standing in the living room looking at Roddy’s relics in the glass cabinets.

“Mary!”

Mary turns to me and a smile sweeps across her face. I leap onto her for a tight hug and she holds me close before I pull back to kiss her tenderly.

“My Mary…” I stroke her cheek, adoring her eyes. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

I can see in her eyes that Mary is burning to ask me questions and I am eager to answer them.

“Would you like some tea?” I offer.

“No, thank you. I don’t think I can stomach anything as of yet. What happened?”

“Roddy made a doctor’s appointment for me. He wanted another baby but I told him that it wasn’t wise and… well, in short, the doctor agreed with me. Having a baby isn’t safe for me.”

“What did he say to that? Was he angry with you? Did he hurt you?”

“No, my love,” I peck her lips. “He was disappointed but in a way, he understood. He didn’t really speak to me and it hurt but I knew I would have you.”

“Oh, Charlotte,” Mary coils an arm around my waist, pulling me to her. “You will always have me. Always. I’m so proud of you.”

My heart flutters. “You are?”

“Yes,” she takes my hand and kisses it. “What you did was so brave and to stand up for yourself and make the decision to say no to having children… I’m in awe of you.”

How is it that this woman has the ability to get me on the brink of tears with the slightest of words?

“Do you really feel that way?” I ask, stroking her cheek.

“Of course… I could never lie to you, Charlotte. I love you.”

“Oh,” I whimper and kiss the woman fully. “Say it again,” I beg.

“I love you.”

A tear rolls down my cheek and I press my lips against Mary’s firmly, holding her face in place with her arms around me. Fire ignites in my core and I don’t care that it’s nearly dinner time, I want this woman right now. I’ve missed her so much and things have been such a whirlwind I need my release - I need my Mary.

“Come,” I take Mary’s hand, pulling her behind me.

“Where are we going?”

“Upstairs. My room.”

“Now?”

“Yes. Now.”

I lead Mary straight into my bedroom where I waste no time undressing her and making love to her. Afterward, I feel elated beyond words and I have to force myself out of bed to redress and return downstairs for dinner. I am now famished as is Mary. I look at her from across the table and smile and she smiles back and I can see the content in her eyes. Every time Mary and I see each other, we make love. It’s as if we have been away from each other for years and we have at least one night of pure passion that grants us the energy to live sane before our next encounter.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Mary reaches into her pocket and hands me a piece of folded up paper. “I have a gift for you.”

“Oh, Mary,” I smile, my heart racing. “You didn’t have to.”

“Well, it’s not really a gift but something I thought I’d give to you.”

I open the paper and see a drawing of a woman lying in bed sleeping. She has her back turned to the artist as her long hair cascades down her back and then it hits me - I remember this moment. I heard a pencil scribbling on paper when I woke up from my fever.

“Is this me?” I ask.

She nods. “Yes. It was right before you woke up. I sat down and I started drawing you. I’m not sure why. I just did. I was finally able to finish it while you were gone. I thought you might want it.”

“My love…” I blink back my tears. “I will cherish this more than the finest paintings in the world.” I hold the paper to my chest. “I love it. Thank you.”

Mary quirks up a small smile that I love. It’s like she’s trying not to but just can’t manage to control it. It’s adorable. I need to have this woman again after dinner. Making love has never been so addictive.

“I need to frame it. I’ll get Anne to fetch a frame for it immediately. I don’t want this to be damaged in any way.” I gaze at the picture before putting it down beside me. “It’s going right next to my bed.”

"I have one next to mine as well. I copied the drawing so I could always have you by my side."

Why does my heart melt every time I'm around this woman? Mary is so soft and sweet. She has the biggest heart I know. I love her so much. If I could, I would have Mary on this table right here and now. However, I subside my desires so Mary and I can finish our dinner then have dessert. It’s filling and after an hour or so, we bathe and head to bed where we make love in two successions. I’m completely exhausted by the end of it but I feel so whole and sated.

“Mary…” I breathe, coiled into her side. “I’m boiling…”

“Lie on your back then.”

“No, I need to cuddle. You know I need to cuddle after we make love.”

Mary chuckles and kisses my head, holding her arm around me.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Mary asks after a few moments. “You don’t want to try for another baby?”

“No, my love. Anything that will take me away from you, I want no part in. If it was your baby, it would be different.”

“Would you carry my baby if you could?”

“In a heartbeat. It would be my greatest honour.”

I feel another kiss on my head then feel Mary’s hand on my abdomen.

“If I could give you a child, I would.”

“I thought you didn’t want children?”

“That was before. Now, I would. I would give you as many as you wanted.”

I place my hand over Mary’s and the feeling is warm and peaceful and for a moment, I feel like I’m already carrying Mary’s baby inside of me.

“That would be a dream come true,” I say.

Mary then places her hand under my chin, tilting it up so my mouth meets hers where we share a tender kiss. I will never get tired of kissing Mary. I never want to kiss anyone else but her.

“Sleep,” Mary orders softly, examining my eyes. “You’re tired.”

Mary and I share another kiss before I rest my head on her shoulder and snuggle further into her side. Mary pulls the sheets up, covering our bodies, and gets comfortable with me in her arms. It doesn’t take long until I drift into a peaceful slumber, encased by my love's protective arms.

~

The next morning, Mary and I rise late as we usually do the first morning after a long time apart. It’s hard not to make love when we’re both naked but Mary always wakes with an appetite for a good meal and I always make sure that Anne has a hardy meal for her as well as a matching lunch and dinner later. Mary’s a hard worker so she needs to eat well. When Mary is due to stay with me, I make Anne go out to get the best foods and Mary’s favourite sweets. I can’t have my love without anything but the best.

Mary and I venture downstairs where breakfast is waiting for us. Mary eats everything on her plate and even has a little more. I love watching her eat. It’s so good watching her be satisfied with her meal. In an odd way, it feels like I’m making her happy. Even if it is just giving her food. I’ll take it.

“I’ll go and get dressed,” says Mary, standing.

“Of course. I’ll finish my tea then get dressed.”

Nodding, Mary leaves and I am quick to finish my tea but before I can leave, Anne stops me.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Murchison,” she says.

“Yes, Anne?”

“Pardon me, ma’am, but I was just checking to make sure you were all right.”

“All right?” I frown.

“Yes.”

“I’m perfectly fine!” I smile. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, umm… last night I heard noises of somewhat. They sounded rather… painful… screaming almost… whimpering… I wasn’t sure if everything was okay.”

“ _Oh_ ,”

I flush furiously, trying my best to conceal it. Mary always says that I’m too loud. Sound travels fast in my house. In Mary’s, I can be as loud as I please since it’s just the two of us, the walls are thick, and the ocean makes an abundance of noise outside, masking any noise I, or Mary, produce. Here, it’s quite the opposite.

“I appreciate your concern, Anne, but I was quite fine last night. I just had a little nightmare that was all. Nothing to concern yourself with.”

“Of course. Very good, ma’am. Pardon me.”

“No worries at all, Anne. I’m going to get ready now.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Oh, before I forget, can you please sought out a frame for the picture Miss Anning gifted me, please?”

“Of course, Mrs. Murchison. I’ll do that straight away.”

“Excellent. Thank you. You can have the evening off tonight. Miss Anning and I are going to be working late.”

“Thank you very much, ma’am. I’ll be sure to have your dinner ready before I leave.”

“Thank you.”

With that, I head upstairs and into Mary’s room where she is slipping on her dress. I sneak up behind her and steal her away in my arms, taking her by surprise.

“You shouldn’t do that,” she says with a smile she fails to control.

“Why not?”

“Because it might get you into trouble one day.”

“Mm, what kind of trouble?” I skim my nose along her neck and place delicate kisses along it.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” She jests.

“Yes, I would actually…” I slide my hand over her shoulder and sneak it down her gown and onto her breast that I palm greedily.

Mary stiffens as she lets out a small grunt from low in her throat. I look in the mirror and see her eyes shut and I smirk with pride.

“Charlotte, we need to get ready. We have lots of documenting to do today.”

“Mm-hm…” I harden my kisses and squeeze Mary just that little bit firmer.

Mary begins to breathe through her mouth and I can feel her pulse quicken beneath my lips.

“You are insatiable, Mrs. Murchison,” she growls then spins around, cups my cheeks, and forces her mouth onto mine. “Get on that bed,” she demands and her firm voice makes me quiver.

“Yes, baby.”

Quick on my heel, I remove my gown and throw myself onto Mary’s bed before she joins me, taking me to paradise and back and I can confidently say this is one of the best mornings we've ever had.


	8. Christmas

My Mary is coming to see me tomorrow and I couldn’t be more excited. I have such a day planned for her. She’s agreed to come to London for Christmas and I am going to make it the best one she’s had yet. I’ve bought her so many gifts it looks like I’ve bought them for an entire family! But I don’t care. Mary deserves the world and more. I’m going to take her shopping for whatever else she wants after. I’ve got so much planned. I can’t wait until she gets here.

When there’s a knock at the door, I race to answer it before Anne gets a chance. It’s Mary. I know it is. She said she would arrive about an hour before dinner and I’m not expecting anyone at this hour besides her. Surely enough, when I open the door, Mary stands before me looking radiant in a dark-red dress with a matching bonnet.

“Mary!” I leap forward to hug her.

“Hello, Charlotte,” she chuckles, holding me.

“Come in!” I pull Mary inside where Anne takes her coat and bonnet to the coatroom.

Once she is gone, I give Mary a proper greeting of ardent kisses and caresses.

“Oh, my love, I’m so happy you’re here,” I say.

“Why?” She titters.

“Because it’s Christmas tomorrow! Aren’t you excited?”

“It’s just another day for me.”

“Nonsense!” I scoff. “It’s going to be so much fun! I can’t wait until you see all the gifts I got you.”

“Charlotte, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Of COURSE I did! Mary, you still have a lot to learn about me. Come,” I take her hand and pull her into the living room where our tea is waiting for us. “Would you like an early present?”

“No, thank you,” she laughs.

“Not just one?”

“Charlotte, I’m not a child.”

“Oh, but I am! Are you sure you don’t want just one? Just a small one?”

She laughs again. “I’m sure. I can wait another day.”

“Oh, fine,” I sigh defeatedly. “Well, rest up because tomorrow is going to be a big day.”

“Do I dare ask what you have planned?”

“No,” I giggle. “It’s going to be fun. Trust me.”

“Okay. If you say so.”

“I do.”

“Where is Roderick?”

“Oh, he’s working but will be home tomorrow.”

“He's not home for Christmas Eve?”

“No, but that's fine. Ever since he met you, his work has expanded and he is quite devoted to it, even during holidays but again, that’s fine. I get to spend it with you instead.”

“So… he’s not going to spend the day with us?”

“Well… He will. We will see his family tomorrow evening for a dinner then my family the day after that for lunch.”

“Oh…” Mary’s face falls and she looks rather lost. “You should have told me that. I would have come another time.”

“Mary,” I take her hands. “No, I want you to be here. I want you to meet everyone. I want them to see how amazing and talented you are. Even they won’t know your personal tie to me, I want them to meet the love of my life.”

A tiny smile escapes my love and it makes me smile even greater as I lean in to kiss her.

“Come,” I pull Mary onto the sofa. “Now, what have you been up to? I want to hear everything.”

Mary and I have tea as we fill each other in on what’s been happening while we’ve been apart. We usually write each other letters but it’s not the same as actually speaking in person. It always feels like a lifetime that I haven’t spoken to Mary whenever we part. The weeks feel like years and every time we part, I get so glum and I feel as if I’m saying goodbye forever. It hurts and I hardly sleep the following night but when we’re together, I sleep like a baby. Although, I’m not sure how well I will be able to sleep tonight since I’m so excited for tomorrow. I honestly can’t wait for it to roll over. Mary is going to have such fun!

As the evening goes on, Mary and I have dinner together then get ready for bed. We share my bed tonight and it feels good to have Mary by my side again. I love everything about her - her curves, her scent, her strong arms, her tender kisses, her breathing - everything. It all soothes me and nestles me into a peaceful sleep. When she climbs into bed, I curl up beside her as I usually do, already finding great comfort.

“Are you sure you don’t want a present?” I check and Mary laughs.

“Yes, I’m sure. My birthday is mere hours away and I am quite tired so I’d like to sleep to have the energy to endure whatever you have planned.”

“That’s a fair point. I can’t wait to give you your gifts. I spent hours upon hours shopping for you but it was so much fun.”

“Why do I get the feeling that you would buy me London itself if I asked for it?”

“Because I would. Whatever you want, my love, it’s yours. Clothes, jewelry, shoes, perfume - it’s all yours.”

And it would be. If Mary asked for ANYTHING, I would get it immediately and if I couldn’t, I would do everything in my power to make it happen.

“Goodnight, my love,” Mary kisses my head.

“Goodnight, darling.” I kiss her neck. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

~

The next morning rolls around and I’m bouncing off the walls with excitement. I got up early (much to my dismay since I love sleeping in with Mary) and made sure that everything was in order for today. Anne and I made Mary’s favourite for breakfast - pancakes with fresh ice cream - and placed her gifts in the living room under the tree. By the time Mary wakes, I am starving but I don’t focus on it when I see her walk down the stairs in her signature blue and white checked dress with her hair tied back loosely.

“Mary! You’re awake!” I leap onto her. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas,” she titters.

I lean back to kiss her then take in her beautiful complex. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes. When did you get up?”

“Oh, I’ve been up for hours but that’s okay. You’re awake and Anne and I have prepared you a wonderful breakfast.” I take Mary’s hand and lead her into the dining room that is set just for us.

“Charlotte…” She utters, her eyes scanning the variety of foods.

“I made sure to make your favourite.”

“You really didn’t have to do this for me.”

“Nonsense! You know all I want to do is make you happy and give you everything.”

“Yes, I do know that but that doesn’t mean you-” 

“Shh,” I place my finger over Mary’s lips before kissing them. “Come. Sit. Eat. We’ve got a big day ahead of us.”

Mary and I finish breakfast and end up making quick, but still sweet, love before Roddy gets home. He is delighted to see Mary again and welcomes her warmly. Mary is polite as usual but I can still feel the tension in the air, especially when Roddy kisses me but I always avert his kisses to my cheek.

“For my wife,” he says, brandishing a gift to me.

“Thank you,” I smile and open a box to reveal a pearl necklace.

“From the finest opal miner in Paris,” he says. “I got it the other month just to give to you today.” His smile is proud and I have to smile back.

“It’s beautiful, Roddy. Thank you.”

His smile broadens as he takes the necklace and clips it around my neck. The necklace is divine but when I’m around Mary, I shan’t wear it. Even though our lives are rather messy, I still feel that it’s a betrayal to her. I haven’t been intimate with Roddy since we lost our baby and I don’t plan to be intimate again. I thank his new work ethic for that. He tires easily and he has never been one for sexual intimacy, which I used to loathe but now I love it.

“For you,” I hand Roddy a gift and they are platinum cufflinks with his initials engraved on them.

“My dear, these are beautiful. Here,” he hands me the box where I house them on the end of his coat cuffs.

“Very dapper,” I force a smile.

“Thank you. Oh! For you, Miss Anning,”

Mary reaches out to accept Roddy’s gift of that of an envelope.

“For all of your kindnesses you have bestowed upon me and my wife, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart and it would do me the greatest honour of you accepting this gift. May our friendship live long.”

Mary pulls back the flap of the paper and extracts a card and once she reads it, she looks rather shocked.

“What is it?” I shift closer to Mary and read the card.

It’s an invitation to a post-Christmas party hosted by the Geographical Society with Mary to be one of the guest speakers there.

“Roddy,” I utter. “How did you manage this?”

“Well, once I began contributing more to the Geographical Society, people were interested in my methods. I mentioned Miss Anning and they had also heard of her and requested that she come to speak and share her knowledge with everyone. So, I was able to arrange this.”

I turn to Mary who is speechless and I’m not sure if she is pleased or not. One thing I have learned about Mary, and unfortunately, I’ve learned the hard way, is that she doesn’t like it when things are planned for her without her knowledge or permission.

“Roddy, as kind as this is, you can’t just presume that Mary would be comfortable speaking in front of all of these men of science.”

“Yes, but Miss Anning has had a great influence on them and they are eager to meet her. I thought it would be good for everyone if she attended.”

He just doesn’t get it. It won’t be beneficial for Mary as much as he says. It’s just a way to boost his reputation amongst the Society where they will steal Mary’s ideas and pass them off as their own as they have done so already. I am still enraged that Mary’s name is not tied to her Ichthyosaurus in the British Museum. Instead of being founded by Miss Mary Anning, it is now “presented” by H. Hoste Henley Esq. Despicable. Mary deserves better. This invitation is simply a slap to her face.

“Thank you, Mr. Murchison,” Mary’s tone is polite. “I appreciate you being able to arrange this for me.”

“You’re most welcome!” He beams. “My friends are already delighted with your attendance!”

“But I cannot attend.” She finishes.

Roddy pauses before saying, “I’m sorry?”

“Charlotte is right - I am not comfortable speaking in front of men of whom I do not know and from my knowledge and understanding of them, I wish not to know.”

“I… I’m afraid you have lost me…”

“My work has not been credited as much as it should have been, Mr. Murchison. A classic example of that rests within the British Museum where my first proper discovery is labeled under a name, not of my own.”

“Yes, but-”

“And all of my findings that have been published have not been penned to my name either. The world that you live in has used me ill, Mr. Murchison - so unkindly. These men of science you highly speak of have exhausted everything from me. I have filled your publications with my hard-earned works and yet, I have received no recompense or rewards for such efforts. I appreciate your means to include me in your Christmas party but I am afraid I will not be attending. I am sure your friends will not be phased if a woman does not infiltrate their temple crafted by the working-class.”

Mary places the card down on the sofa before standing and addressing both of us.

“If you’ll excuse me, I think it’s best I left.”

“Mary,” I stand but Mary has already made her way to the staircase.

My heart drops and I turn to Roddy. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Mary doesn’t think like you. You can’t just drop something like that on her. She is a very proud woman.”

“Charlotte,” Roddy stands to meet me. “I thought she would be happy. She has worked hard and-”

“Yes, she HAS worked hard and she’s right - all of her credit has been robbed of her. She deserves more and those men at the Society will take whatever she has left as well. Including you.”

“Me?” He snorts. “Charlotte, I admire Miss Anning very much and she has bestowed upon me many kindnesses and-”

“Kindnesses that you have twisted to suit your own needs and reputation.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do. Just look in the cabinet over there with the ammonite you purchased from her shop - MARY’S ammonite that you unashamedly labeled as your own.”

Infuriated, I push past Roddy and abscond the staircase to find Mary packing away her things.

“Mary,” I grab her hands and spin her around to me. “Please, don’t go,” I beg. “We can still salvage this.”

“No, Charlotte,” she shakes her head. “I must go home. I can’t stay here. I knew it was only a matter of time before I was integrated into this lifestyle - one that will take what little I have left of my dignity. This isn’t the place for me anymore.” Mary retracts her hands to continue packing.

The words make me feel sick to my stomach. Does that mean she won’t come to London anymore?

“Mary, please,” I step forward to kiss her but she pushes me away and it stings.

“I need to go. Don’t bother with preparing a carriage. I’ll take the boat home.”

“No,” I refuse, retrieving her hands again. “Mary, don’t go. Stay with me. We can still have a good Christmas. I don’t want you by yourself. I want to share this holiday with you. I want you to meet my family.”

“To be a part of it? To be like them?”

“What? No! Not everything is about me trying to get you to be like me or the people that surround me. I don’t want you to be anyone else but who you are right now - strong-willed, independent, intelligent, meticulous, perspicacious, and fascinating. Being who you are right now is who I was drawn to - who I fell for. I don’t want anyone else but Mary Anning from Lyme Regis who hunts for fossils during both the calmest and toughest seasons.”

There is a pause and when I think Mary is going to rethink her decision, she instead shakes her head.

“I appreciate it, Charlotte, but I cannot stay here.” Mary raises my hands and kisses them softly. “I must go home now.”

Releasing my hands, Mary packs the remainder of her things and leaves the bedroom. The entire way from her bedroom to the door, I beg her to stay, to reason, but alas, nothing prevails. All I can do is watch Mary leave and when she does, I am left empty.

~

I didn’t want to leave. I really didn’t. But I couldn’t stay. I had to return to Lyme. My home. My solace. I could never fit in within that London society. I have told Charlotte this and she understands but does she truly? I do not know. I understand that the idea was of Roderick’s but I know how desperately Charlotte wants me to remain with her in London and she has always said the offer to move in permanently is always on the table. I could never take it. I love my freedom too much. I love the sea. I love my work. I can’t stand Londoners lording their wealth and inherited success over those who have to work from the ground up. It’s not the life for me and it never will be. The only thing I enjoy relating to London is Charlotte. 

That woman has a power over me I cannot break. It’s crippling but yet so addictive. So sweet and pure she is and yet, she has a grip on me like a vice. I cannot break it even if I tried. When Charlotte left for the very first time to go home, back when Mother was alive, I felt my newly formed heart crack. I had never felt such a loss. Seeing her again felt like coming home, even though I was in London. Her hold, her scent, her kiss… it was all I needed to bring me back to earth. I never wanted to leave her again and I still don’t. I just can’t be a part of her lifestyle back in London. It’s not for me. Roderick will only take advantage of me as he has done before and the ones before him. I need to remain independent and keep my name to my findings. Perhaps one day, people will recognise me for my success not just as a paleontologist, but as a woman in her own right - successful and memorable.

Returning to Lyme is much colder than in London but it’s home. I carry my bags upstairs and unpack them. It’s getting dark. I need to have dinner and go to bed. Traveling from Lyme to London and back is tiring, especially on the boat where I am forced to survive the chilling sea winds. Once my things are put away, I enjoy dinner of a simple stew before clambering into bed. My bed is cold without Charlotte but I will survive. I just hope that she has a nice Christmas with her family. She deserves it.

~

I throw myself back into my work over the next few days. It helps me take my mind off what happened on Christmas Day. I’m glad I returned home. I’ve had a lot of business, which is good. I can never have too much of it. Ever since Charlotte began working with me, things have been running a lot smoother and I no longer need to fret about rent, food, and clothing as I once did with Mother. Charlotte is naïve about a lot of things but she knows how to communicate with people, make sales, and have them return for more business. She has taught me a thing or two and I truly appreciate it.

Sitting at my desk in the front part of the store, I begin to carve out an ammonite I found yesterday. This one should sell well. I’ll brush up nicely once I’m done with it. I quickly go into the back to get one of the tools I left in the kitchen and when I do, I hear the shop door open. Dammit. I forgot to lock it.

“Shop’s closed!” I call out.

“Even for me?”

The voice stops me in my tracks until I remember to walk again. I venture back to the front of the store where I see Charlotte standing before me, clad in a pale blue dress with a matching bonnet and gloves. I note she is not wearing her pearl necklace from her husband. Lord above is this woman beautiful. I will always be in awe of her beauty. Simply breath-taking and eloquent she is. I could gaze at her for hours.

“Charlotte,” I utter.

“I’m so sorry, Mary,” she begins. “I had a long talk with Roddy and he wrote you this letter to apologise for offending you.”

She hands me a letter signed to me but I don’t wish to read it but I remain polite since Charlotte no doubt persuaded him to write it. It’s still sweet nonetheless.

“Thank you,” I nod.

“I don’t want this to affect us. I understand that you don’t want to be fitted into London society and I don’t want you to but I fear that you never want to return to London again. Not even to see me," her voice is pained.

“Charlotte,” I put the letter down and take her hands, noting the anxiety in her eyes. “I do still want to see you. I can’t stop seeing you. I just can’t be molded into that lifestyle, especially at the hands of men who will only do me harm. The only reason I come to London is because of you. That’s all I ever want to go for.”

Charlotte takes a breath then looks down at our hands and I realise that I am dirtying her gloves but she doesn’t seem to care since she rubs her thumbs over mine.

“I cannot tell you how much it pained me to watch you walk out that door,” she states. “I felt like I was losing you all over again.”

“No,” I shake my head.

“Don’t leave me,” she begs, meeting my gaze with tears. “I can’t-”

“Shh,” I silence Charlotte then draw her in for a kiss.

I cannot stand to see Charlotte cry. I am immune to a lot of things but Charlotte in tears is not one of them. She is too pure and too good to cry and I’ll be damned if I am the reason for it. With my lips on hers, I snake my arms around her waist and hold her close. Charlotte clings onto me as if her life depends on it as she returns the kiss wantonly. I will never get over the thrill of kissing this woman. Her lips are so soft, welcoming, and freeing. I could never tire of it.

“May I stay?” Charlotte breathes once we finish.

“What about your family?”

“We’ve already done all of that. I am free to stay with you.”

“He doesn’t own you, Charlotte. You’re not his property," I state rather firmly.

“But I’m his wife.”

“That doesn’t matter. You’re a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. He doesn’t own you just because you share his surname. No woman is owned by any man and any man who believes that she is, is not deserving of one such as her.”

“Are we deserving of each other?”

“Yes,” I nod. “I love you, Charlotte. My world is at your feet.”

Charlotte closes her eyes as she takes sturdy breaths through her mouth as if she’s been swept away.

“Say it again,” she pleads.

“I love you.”

“Again,” she smiles.

“I love you.”

“One more time.”

I laugh and pull her into me. “I love you, Charlotte.”

Her eyes open and I am met with sky-blue orbs that bring me to my true home and solace.

“I love you, too, Mary. _My_ Mary.”

I take her hand and kiss it tenderly then hold it to my chest.

“All yours.”

With her smile growing, Charlotte captures my face in her hands, kissing me fully before we embrace warmly.

“I brought your gifts with me,” Charlotte says, pulling away.

“What?”

“I brought your Christmas gifts with me. We’ll have dinner then open them. I’m so excited!” She beams and I can tell she is back to her joyous self.

“Did you really?”

“Of course! Did you really think I would let you get away with not opening your gifts? Oh, Mary, you still have a lot to learn.”

Charlotte turns on her heel, taking my hand in hers as she walks me to the carriage where she directs the driver to take her belongings and my gifts into the house and there is a plethora of them. Did she really trek all of these from London to Lyme? Shoving them all in the carriage making her journey an uncomfortable one? Charlotte is right, I really _do_ still have a lot to learn…


	9. Final Night

Heartbroken couldn’t do justice for how Charlotte was feeling upon reading her husband’s letter. He was sending a carriage to come and collect her the following day. Charlotte’s heart dropped as she raced into the bedroom and wept quietly. Her lover, Mary, quite and stoic, felt the heartbreak just as much but did not show it as severely. The news felt like a loss was about to befall them and Charlotte, the sensitive and emotional woman that she was, paled it against the loss of her unborn child. She felt as if it were happening all over again. Mary felt the pain. She felt it deep in her heart but she pushed it away. She could not afford to go through pain again no matter how many feelings were up in the air but more importantly, nestled in her heart.

Later that night, Charlotte was determined to make their final night together memorable, special, and full of passion, _love_. Charlotte felt it fully and she knew Mary did as well but neither of them said anything. It could have been a month of just lust and self-gratification, dismissing all of those feelings but inside both women was a niggling feeling that what they experienced emotionally was not something to be dispelled nor diminished so easily. If it were an elongated tryst, then why were they reluctant for it to end? Why did their hearts react the way they did? Why did they hate the world and its reality?

As she slipped into her nightgown, Charlotte lit every candle she could within Mary’s room - the room, as old and decrepit as it was, Charlotte had come to love dearly and she knew she would long for it when she returned to prestige London. The candles added sufficient light to the room where almost everything was visible but more importantly, the bed was visible. Charlotte was granted sight she craved for in the bedroom. To see her lover, full, naked, and exquisite, was all she cared for. Light - a symbol of Charlotte’s desire as she passively requested intimacy from the woman she craved so desperately. The candles were lit as they advanced a degree or two in warmth but Charlotte did not need that as she was already heated up for the moments to come. She climbed into bed, pulling the sheets over her just so they rested just under her breasts. She folded her hands dainty over the other - right over left - and waited patiently for her lover.

Mary, still downstairs, checked that the house was locked and secured before she absconded the staircase with her dress folded over her arm while her hand carried a candle - her only source of light that led her to her bedroom where she knew Charlotte was waiting for her. Sharing her bed with the woman had never been so delightful. Charlotte was affectionate and she made Mary’s bed warmer than Mary ever thought imaginable. Mary discovered that she slept a lot better with Charlotte by her side, in her arms, on top of her. Charlotte was her true form of comfort. So many years spent alone, Mary only knew practicality but she soon learned that life wasn’t restricted to the confines of basic survival. Charlotte taught her that. Charlotte had taught her a great many things and Mary was starving for more.

The paleontologist opened her door and her first instinct was to look to her right where she found Charlotte’s baby-blue orbs already meeting her. Mary advanced into the room and noticed the light surrounding her. Charlotte watched in suspense, hoping - praying - that Mary would not begin to extinguish each light. Thankfully, Mary walked to her wardrobe, placing her candle on the dresser, then proceeded to house her dress on a shelf. Once the dress was put away, Mary turned around and surveyed the room once more. Charlotte had not said a word but she needn’t have. Mary understood. Mary knew Charlotte appreciated and needed light for their lovemaking. But this was different. There was an abundance of light but again, Mary understood and, if she were to be honest with herself, she wanted her salacious desires to be met proper and full. Their final night had to be special.

Charlotte met Mary’s gaze once more as she shifted in the bed, a quiet invitation. Mary obliged and rested next to her young lover. Charlotte could not take her eyes off of Mary. She was beautiful but also, Charlotte was reading her - every expression, every breath, every movement of her body - Charlotte needed to know where Mary stood and the fact that Mary left the candles lit as she slid into bed, she knew. Mary could feel Charlotte’s eyes on her, causing Mary to turn her head, resting her right cheek on the shared pillow. Charlotte’s gaze was intense but so full of want and yearning. Mary took a moment to study her lover’s face. 

Charlotte had the bluest eyes she had ever seen. They were bluer than the English Channel itself. Mary knew that every time she looked into the ocean whilst hunting for fossils, she would see Charlotte’s eyes. Whether that was a punishment or blessing, Mary did not know. Her skin was fair, soft, and covered with sun kisses, especially on her face and across the bridge of her nose. They brought forward her youth and they were cute. Mary remembered one night where she peppered Charlotte’s face with kisses, making sure to cover the marks. Her lips were perky and pink. Her face was well-sculptured, bringing symmetrical features both intimidating and alluring. She was the most beautiful woman Mary had ever had the privilege of meeting. She was the epitome of beauty. Aphrodite would have been most envious.

Mary was much older than Charlotte - perhaps a good twenty years her senior - but she still had a beauty of her own. She had a tough exterior but Charlotte could see past it. She adored Mary’s chocolate-brown hair with few silver streaks surfacing but that didn’t phase her. Mary’s dark eyes drew her in faster than a spider rushes to its prey when it’s caught in a web. Mary’s face showed signs of age - faint lines indented in the skin from constant muscle movement, bags under the eyes, and weathered skin from incessant days spend trekking Lyme Regis’ beaches for fossils. Nonetheless, Charlotte found Mary’s own beauty hidden away inside, and tonight, it was going to be brought out into the light.

Reaching out, Charlotte placed a trusted hand on Mary’s cheek. The contact forced Mary’s eyes shut as Charlotte’s touch was sweet and kind, warm and welcoming; accepting of all things. With Mary’s eyes closed, Charlotte rolled onto her side, moving closer to Mary in the slightest. She examined and encapsulated herself with Mary’s content and relaxed expression of which made Charlotte proud. Charlotte truly felt that she had unlocked something within the older woman. Only Charlotte could make Mary open up as she did. Only Charlotte could break down Mary’s walls and see who she really was. Only Charlotte could touch Mary physically and emotionally and have Mary respond positively to it. And Charlotte was right to think that because those same thoughts were what rolled around in Mary’s head.

Mary relished in Charlotte’s touch. Even though it was just her hand, it spoke volumes and Mary found herself rolling onto her side as her hand reached up and rested on top of Charlotte’s as she moved close enough so their heads were resting together gently. Charlotte welcomed the action and ever so softly skimmed her nose against Mary’s, moving from side to side - a soft and sweet yet powerful affection that would be dearly missed to both women. Charlotte closed her eyes and moved even closer as Mary shifted her hand onto Charlotte’s face, feeling the softness of her skin. Not even an inch apart, the women’s eyes opened and Mary pushed Charlotte’s long, golden hair away from her face, which allowed her to stroke the side of her face like a puppy. Mary’s touch sent delicious tingles all through Charlotte’s body. She wanted more and more she got.

The lovers leaned in and kissed blindly. They were awkward and untimed but once they found their rhythm, their kisses were full, languid, wanton, and additive. The kisses brought the women to life as usual whenever they kissed. It was naught like anything they had ever experienced before. Charlotte, still desperate for more, pulled and manipulated the ties on Mary’s nightgown until they came undone. Mary slipped her arm around Charlotte, tugging her closer, as Charlotte began to worship Mary’s body. The feeling was sensational for both parties. Charlotte was starving for Mary’s body and she planned to cover every inch of it that night. Mary was beautiful and Charlotte needed Mary to not only know it but _believe_ it. And Mary did. Charlotte claimed what was her own and Mary allowed it. Charlotte never wanted anything or anyone more in her entire life.

Their lovemaking was quick but full. It gave the women what they needed - an outlet for their love. Yes, their love. It was what it was. They were sure of it. The way Mary and Charlotte looked into each other’s eyes when they were done said it all. They were joyous but also full of melancholy and heartbreak for tomorrow would blanket them in darkness but they still had the night - a night that had never been brighter. Curled up in Mary’s arms, Charlotte caught her breath as the air collected the sweat off her naked body. Mary smelled so good to Charlotte. Her skin against her own was Heaven. Their embrace was protective, comforting, reassuring, and caring. It was exactly what they both needed. Mary and Charlotte believed that the intimacy after lovemaking was more intimate than the act itself. It was the moment they recovered together, bathing in the afterglow of their love - something only they could experience with one another. Nobody else. Just them. It was lovely. The power of touch was everything.

Once their laborious breathing had subsided, the two lovers grew tired but neither of them had the strength to blow out the candles. Instead, they left them as they took advantage of the light to relish in one another’s beautiful, pure, and natural form of nudity. Clothes had been too restricting. They represented shame and guilt. There was nothing to be ashamed of that night. Charlotte loved Mary and all of her faults. Mary loved Charlotte and all of her faults. They were in love and that was the beginning and the end of everything and it still is for their final night was all they needed for them to realise that what they felt for one another, truly and wholly, was indeed love.


	10. First Impressions

When Charlotte first meets Mary, her first impression is that the woman is abrupt, hardened, cold, distant, and yet, mysterious. Their very first interaction is Mary admonishing the blonde for inspecting a small chest adorned with seashells.

“Can you not fiddle with that?” Mary orders.

Charlotte is quick to shut the lid and place the object down on the shelf before her husband drags her across the room like a doll and introduces her to the paleontologist. Charlotte feels more like an object than a person with her husband. Mary gives Charlotte a quick look up and down once then once again before resuming her conversation with Roderick who she quickly deduces as an annoyance. Charlotte can see that in Mary’s tone, body language, eyes, and mannerisms. Charlotte simply feels bad for being in Mary’s presence. It’s obvious the woman doesn’t want visitors. As she stated upon arrival, the shop is closed but that didn’t stop Roderick.

As annoyed as Mary is, Charlotte can’t help but look at the brunette. There really is something about her that draws Charlotte in. Perhaps Roderick will meet his match with Mary. That would be interesting to see. Charlotte watches on as Roderick pushes his interest, his points, his statements, and eventually, his true means as to why he is here. Of course, Mary rebuffs his request but the talk of money changes Mary’s mind. Charlotte watches both Mary and her mother who has now entered the room and the older woman’s eyes light up as if all of her Christmases have come at once. Charlotte deduces they are struggling with money or are simply greedy but usually, Charlotte is a good judge of character when it comes to someone who is poor compared to simple avarice. 

Mary is poor. The clothes, the old building, the mannerisms, the area in which they live - it screams poor. But Charlotte does not think little of them because of it. Charlotte has always had a big heart. She often gives to those less fortunate not because it boosts her ego or her status, but because she knows it’s _right_. Charlotte has always been that way. She didn’t marry Roderick for his money. She married him because she loved him and enjoyed being with him but now… Charlotte isn’t so sure anymore. Over the past year and more so, now, after the loss of their unborn child, Roderick has never been the same. His work is far more important and now that Charlotte is grieving, he is absent and she is left alone, physically and emotionally and Charlotte gets the feeling that Mary shares some of those experiences and thoughts.

Eventually, Mary accepts Roderick’s offer not because she genuinely wants to teach him but because she and her mother need the money and Charlotte can see that, too. Charlotte is seen by many, especially men, that she is a simple-minded woman who is oblivious to a lot of things in life. An airhead as most men perceive women. But Charlotte is no such thing. Charlotte is intelligent - something men are often frightened and intimidated by. Mary is intelligent, too, but she isn’t afraid to show it. She couldn’t care less about what other people think of her and Charlotte is intimidated and rather envious of that.

Mary hardly pays Charlotte any mind in her shop. The only two things Mary notes about Charlotte is that she is like a child fiddling with things and is rather attractive (in that order, too). That’s all Mary thinks. She may watch Charlotte leave her shop, admiring her black dress and slim figure but not much else. That is until bright-blue eyes keep flashing in her mind and Mary swears she can smell a faint aroma of perfume that hangs in the air well after the young woman has gone. It is sweet and encapsulating. Mary tries to push it aside and focus on her work but she hasn’t come across such a scent. It smells expensive but Mary isn’t obsessed with money nor does she envy those who have it. She only pines after it so she doesn’t have to keep living just above the line of poverty. She has struggled all her life and she needs to look after herself, especially her ailing mother.

Mary felt like Roderick was looking down on her earlier. One, for being a woman and two, for being poor. He was only being kind because of who she was and her reputation. If she didn’t have that, Mary believes the man would not give her the time of day and possibly his wife. However, there was something in Charlotte’s eyes that told Mary differently. The woman can’t figure out what it is but it haunts her. Mary tries to focus on her work but that young woman seems to be different in many ways. Mary gets rather angry with herself for pondering too much on the matter. She needs to focus on her work and she needs to prepare for tomorrow where she believes she will no doubt be hounded once more by Roderick but on the lighter side, she might she Charlotte again and the thought of that potential hope annoys her beyond words.

“Enough, Mary,” the brunette hisses quietly. “You’ll probably never see her again. She was annoying anyway. Enough.”


	11. Cuddles

Charlotte loves cuddling. She’s always loved it. But now, she loves it more than ever. Cuddling with her lover is the best feeling in the world. Charlotte knows that she and Mary only have so much time left together but she decides not to focus on that. Charlotte chooses to relish every second spent with Mary and every cuddle feels like time stops for them both. Whenever Charlotte can sneak a cuddle, she will but she loves cuddling in bed more than anything and more specifically, cuddling naked after making love. That’s so special and so intimate and Charlotte loves it. The skin on skin contact makes Charlotte feel so close to Mary in a number of ways. She feels so close to her physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s an amazing feeling.

Raising Mary’s hand that is entwined with her own, Charlotte kisses the back of the older woman’s hand and rests it against her chest. Mary shines a small smile and presses a tender kiss on Charlotte’s shoulder as her naked body curves behind the blonde’s, encasing Charlotte with her body and Charlotte adores it. She feels so safe and protected. She feels loved and cared for. She feels whole as a woman. She feels what she should have felt with Roderick. She has never felt this way towards anyone, not even her own husband. Mary is the missing piece in Charlotte’s heart that she had been searching for her entire life.

“Mary?” Charlotte speaks.

“Mm?” Mary is close to falling asleep but she cannot ignore her lover.

“Did you ever think that you would do this?”

“Do what?”

“Be with a woman? And more so, one half your age?”

Mary knows the answer to the first question but she daren’t bring it up now. Not after a passionate round of lovemaking and knowing how delicate Charlotte is to news that could bring her distress. Instead, Mary answers blandly.

“No,” she mumbles. “Did you?”

“No. But things can happen in people’s lives in ways they never expect. I’m glad this happened. Are you?”

Mary has never thought about it but now, being forced, the woman cannot think of a time where she has been so content, relaxed, and sated.

“Yes,” she responds. “I am.”

Charlotte breaks out into a beaming grin and kisses Mary’s hand again, pushing her body back to curve better with Mary’s. It’s such a better way and a more comfortable way to share a small bed. Within no time, both women are asleep and the following morning, Mary wakes before Charlotte but the blonde seems to be relentless in letting the older woman get out of bed.

“Charlotte,” Mary gently nudges the woman the best she can without her hands that are still bound with the blonde’s.

“No,” the younger woman protests.

Mary breathes a laugh. “Come now, love, we must get up. The tide is out and you know what that means.”

Charlotte huffs, hating how right Mary is. Why does the tide have to be out on such a comfortable morning in bed? Charlotte grumbles into her pillow as she releases Mary from her grasp. Mary, finding the young woman absolutely adorable right now, kisses her shoulder and slides out of bed. Mary is reluctant since cuddling Charlotte is extremely cathartic and comforting. Mary never thought she would feel so much euphoria by a simple act of touch. Mary finds herself sleeping better at night and finding it extremely difficult to get out of bed in the morning. Mary both loves and hates how much Charlotte has changed her in such a short time span.

The brunette gets out of bed and dresses. She expects Charlotte to be getting out of bed but when Mary turns around, Charlotte is still nuzzled into her pillow with the bedsheets covering her chest but sitting low on her back now Mary is absent. The woman looks beautifully cute and Mary craves to return to her lover and hold her for the rest of the day. Mary admonishes herself for the thought and instead, approaches Charlotte, sitting down next to her and tucking her hair behind her ear before peppering her cheek with kisses. Charlotte stirs.

“Come, Charlotte,” Mary coos. “It’s time to get up now.”

“No… Come back to bed,” Charlotte reaches out and grabs Mary’s hand, tugging it to her chest. “I’m sure the tide will stay out for a while.”

Mary chuckles. “I’m not willing to take that chance, love. Come now.”

Charlotte groans and eventually, she turns and opens her sky-blue eyes that draw Mary in each time. The woman is simply too beautiful and adorable for her own good.

“I’ll get breakfast on,” says Mary, and she goes to pull away but Charlotte uses Mary’s hand as an anchor to pull the brunette down to her lips for a kiss. “Ten minutes.”

Charlotte purses her lips and sighs. “Fine. Ten minutes. But you owe me cuddles.”

“I’m sure I do.” Mary finishes with a peck and leaves the room with Charlotte watching on hungrily.

Throughout the day, Charlotte is relentless in getting the cuddles she needs from Mary. Every chance she gets, Charlotte holds Mary in any way she can. Even when Mary is in the process of breaking open a rock to find a potential ammonite inside, Charlotte wraps her arms around the older woman and rests her head on her back.

“You have done this all day,” Mary states. “You’re slowing me down.”

“Then maybe you should have stayed in bed this morning as I said to and this wouldn’t be happening.”

Mary laughs and decides to put her tools down and spin around to hold the blonde in her arms. Charlotte buries her face in Mary’s chest, relishing in her touch, scent, and warmth from the cold ocean breeze.

“I want to make love again tonight,” Charlotte declares. “Then cuddle for the rest of the night afterward.”

Mary smiles into Charlotte’s hair and kisses it, loving how clean she always smells.

“If that’s what you want.”

“Is it what you want?” Charlotte pulls back and looks at the older woman, eyes burning bright and Mary feels she could melt on the spot.

“Yes, my dear - I would have it every night if I could.”

The words come out without much process and Mary blames it on Charlotte’s overwhelming beauty. Charlotte doesn’t seem to mind though as her smile expands and she leaps onto Mary for an ardent kiss that Mary accepts and reciprocates fully. It’s glorious.

“Every night it is then,” Charlotte concludes with a kiss then proceeds to pick up where Mary left off and crack open the rock to find the ancient treasure inside.

Mary is utterly impressed by how quickly Charlotte has learned and how efficient she is getting at using Mary’s tools correctly.

“That’ll come up nicely,” says Mary, analysing the ammonite. “Well done.”

Charlotte smiles proudly.

“I’m not a doctor but I think it’s only fair to say that your melancholia is cured,” Mary states.

“I think so, too, but I think we need to have some long cuddles tonight just to make sure.”

Mary laughs. “I can’t argue with that.”

Charlotte giggles and carries the ammonite to the basket by the cliff, trying to rid herself of the horrid thoughts that when it’s time to leave, Charlotte’s melancholia will most likely return but the blonde can't think about that. Right now, Charlotte needs to focus on her work because tonight is going to be full of passion and that’s all Charlotte needs and it’s all she has ever needed and ever will need so long as she lives.


	12. First Kiss

Miss Mary Anning is a riddle wrapped up in a mystery. I can’t seem to figure her out as much as I’d like. She’s a stern woman but also very beautiful. She’s not fictitious like most of the other women back in London. She’s genuine. She doesn’t care about things that I do or most women do. I have never come across anyone so abrasive, cold, stubborn, and headstrong as Mary. She is practical, logical, and highly intelligent. She doesn’t waste time. She knows what she wants and she does whatever she can to obtain it. Her work is her life and I rather admire that. We didn’t get along at first. In fact, we clashed until I fell ill where she took care of me and since that time, our dynamic has changed.

To begin with, I was uncertain as to what changed. I saw her in a new light. She cared for me, gave me her bed, fed me, and made sure that I was okay. She didn’t have to do that. She could have sent for Roddy to come and collect me but instead, she cared for me. It wasn’t until last week that I realised what new feelings transpired. I am both excited and ashamed as I come to realise how attracted I am to Mary. Since I woke, I have seen a shift in her attitude towards me. She’s a lot softer, kinder. We work together. It’s been extraordinary. I feel that she has cared for me more than Roddy ever has. It’s surreal and yet, I crave more of her. So much more. It’s twisting my insides and driving me mad. I shouldn’t feel this way but I do and I hope and pray to the Lord above that Mary requites these feelings.

However, after last night, I’m unsure if she does. She left Doctor Lieberson’s party without telling me. When I returned home, she avoided me and was distant. I read her poem and it was short, beautiful, but also tragic, and then it resonated within me that perhaps Mary _does_ reciprocate my feelings. Today started out difficult as Mary distanced herself from me all morning and well into the afternoon but when I dug out a large fossil, she turned around, and now, we’re ever so slowly, deftly, and fastidiously uncovering it and learning of its brilliance.

Mary teaches me how to chip away at the fossil without damaging it. She is patient, kind, and encouraging. I can tell that she is very eager to uncover it but this requires mass patience - something Mary has learned over her years of working.

“What is it?” I ask as Mary brushes the fossil.

“See here,” she points to the ridges in the stone, what appear to be bones. “This is a row of small vertebrae and these flatter sides are where the ribs would have been attached. But these ones have a certain shape…” she reaches across me and points to a framed sketch she created years ago. “Which tells me, they would have been near the skull.”

“That’s good.”

Mary nods. “It would be very good. Yes.”

Oh, Lord, how gorgeous this woman is. She is so engulfed by her work it’s encapsulating and beautiful to watch. Being so close to her, physically, is driving me wild. She smells of sea air and Mary. It’s quickly becoming one of my favourite smells. It’s hard for me to keep my eyes off of her, especially when I make her smile, and by God does she have an exquisite smile. It feels like a once in a lifetime thing to see. She smiled at me faintly earlier when we were carrying the fossil back to the house. She was excited. I could tell. Without that fossil, the day would have carried out as miserable but I was determined to get back in her good books. I hated her being mad at me, even though I did nothing wrong but jealousy can be a wicked and cruel thing.

I don’t know what time it is but when I open my eyes, I am resting on my arms and I notice that Mary has carved out the fossil, which is now a head. How long was I asleep for? I look to my right and see Mary is over by another table cleaning her tools.

“You found the head!” I say, raising my head to get a proper look at the relic. “Beautiful… We’ll go out tomorrow to find the rest of it.”

“Perhaps,” Mary’s tone is bland and I can tell she is tired.

I stand upright and walk over to her. “I should help.”

Mary turns to me and sees me rubbing my eye. She responds, “go to bed.”

“Won’t that wait ’til the morning?” I ask.

“My father would turn in his grave if he saw I’d gone to bed without cleaning his tools.”

I know I can’t persuade her and I AM tired from the day so I don’t fight her on the matter. Bed sounds like Heaven right now. I hope Mary isn’t too long cleaning her tools. I like to fall asleep with her next to me.

“Goodnight,” I say and step in close where I go to kiss her cheek but Mary turns her head before my lips can land on it, and instead, they land right next to her lips.

I freeze, noting my hand on her shoulder and just how close we really are. Mary stills and I feel the whole world has also stopped. My heartbeat is racing and pounding so hard I can feel it in my ears. I remove my hand and watch as Mary turns ever so slightly to me. She doesn’t meet my gaze but she focuses on my lips.

_Kiss me, damn it!_

I watch her carefully and note that her gaze is focused and… _longing_. No, I cannot take this any longer. I cannot wait. I cannot resist my desires any longer. I want this woman. I want her right here and now. I’ve had enough. Without another thought, I raise my hand to her cheek and lean in to kiss her lips. The kiss is merely a peck and it disarms Mary to the point where she drops her tools in the water and turns to me fully. I kiss her again and again but she doesn’t kiss me back. She is still.

_KISS ME!_

It’s only when I grab her face that Mary begins to return the kisses. They are poorly timed and awkward but she reaches out to grasp my face, merging our lips together for a longer, harder, and _passionate_ kiss that fuels the fire in my belly. For the first time in my life, I feel alive. I have never felt this way with anyone before, not even Roddy. This is completely out of this world and I want more.

We share another hard kiss before I pull away and hold her close to me. I bury my face in her hair as she kisses my shoulder and the feeling is delightful. She smells of the sea and of her. The rush of the kisses and contact forces me to breathe through my mouth. My hands feel Mary’s body while we embrace. She is strong. Having her arms around me makes me feel protected and cared for - more than she has already done. Mary’s lips rest on my shoulder as they continue to give it gentle kisses and the feeling makes me weak but also hungry for more. I grasp the back of her head and kiss my way along her neck, cheek, and back to her lips that are chapped but soft. I swear I can taste the salt from the sea air on them. 

I hold her close to me, kissing her fully and firmly until Mary falls to her knees before me. I cradle her face with my hands, seeing such vulnerability and anxiety in her eyes. The sight tugs on my heartstrings. Mary’s hands rest on my hips as she gently squeezes them, feeling my body with every press. She explores my body the best she can through my layers. She leans forward and kisses my stomach and how much I wish to feel her lips on my skin. Mary then rests her head on my stomach, breathing heavily and that’s when I can’t take it any longer. I gently push her head back where she peers up at me, confused and still vulnerable. I maintain our gaze when I grab my dress and begin to lift it and to my absolute delight, Mary assists me. The rest is completely mind-blowing and I nearly faint at the sensation but Mary holds me in her arms as she kisses me again.

With my knees weak and body trembling, I rest my head against Mary’s shoulder as she hugs me warmly. That was the best moment of my life. I have never experienced such bliss, care, and dare I say it, _love_ , from another human being. I cannot express how much I needed that; all of it, joyous and delectable. I was starved but no longer. I am now over-encumbered with lassitude and I could fall victim to its vice right here on Mary’s shoulder.

“Come,” Mary speaks, rubbing my back gently. “Let’s go to bed.”

“What about your tools? Won’t your father turn in his grave?”

I can feel a smirk against my skin and Mary pushes me back to meet my tired gaze. 

She has a sly smile on her lips as she replies, “let him turn.”


	13. Pride

“Mary, please speak to me,” I beg.

Mary hasn’t spoken to me all afternoon and I know exactly what it’s about. I honestly thought I was doing something good for her but I should know by now that Mary’s pride is great and I can’t come along and tamper it.

“I had it under control,” she responds cooly. “You didn’t need to step in.”

“No, but he wrote you out a check straight away. If I didn't interfere, you may have lost his business and you said that you didn’t want to haggle.”

“I know that but I had it under control.”

“Mary,” I reach out and touch her shoulder but she pushes me away.

“Don’t, Charlotte.” She swivels on her stool so her back is facing me as she continues to carve out a fossil.

My heart stings and I feel awful. I didn’t think this was the response I was going to get. If I knew, I wouldn’t have spoken to that man. I wouldn’t have gone on a rhetoric. I would have stood back and let Mary conduct her business as she saw fit. She may not have gotten the price she wanted or maybe anything at all but at least she wouldn’t be mad at me. Mary and I have had a few weeks together and I am slowly learning that there are certain territories that I cannot invade and her business deals are one of them. Mary likes to be independent and do things her way. She’s had to fight a lot for what little she has and she doesn’t like people coming in and taking over but I don’t see it that way. I want to give Mary everything because she deserves it and I'll do what I can to ensure that.

As much as I wish to hold Mary and kiss her back into a good mood with me, I leave her be. I’ll go upstairs and finish sewing the holes in Mary’s jumper then I’ll finish the embroidered handkerchief I’m making for her. Once that’s done, I’ll make her a cup of tea. Hopefully, she’ll be willing to talk to me by the night. I don’t want to go to bed on a bad note with her. I want to fall asleep in her arms knowing that we are comfortable with each other and are on good terms. If not, I’ll hardly sleep at all.

The evening turns into the night and I head downstairs to make Mary a cup of tea. She is still in the storefront working. Usually, I would be by her side but I don’t think it’s a good idea that I am and I know Mary wants her space. I’ve already invaded too much today so I need to respect her. With the tea done, I put a few biscuits on a plate for her then take a breath and walk out into the storefront. She doesn’t look like she’s moved. It wouldn’t surprise me if she hadn’t. Mary is devoted to her work and I am quite envious of that passion and drive. I am slowly learning the ways of fossil hunting and excavation but I am nowhere near as talented as Mary. I don’t think I ever will be.

I walk up to Mary and place her tea and biscuits next to her. She doesn’t break away from her work. She doesn’t even acknowledge me at all. It hurts but I understand. I want to speak but I don’t want to push Mary any further away from me than I have. Instead, I lean in and kiss her cheek. It’s soft and short and I hope it wasn’t too much and it mustn’t be since Mary continues on with her work - a signal for me to leave. Just holding my cracked heart together, I turn on my heel to depart but when I do, Mary reaches out and grabs my wrist. I freeze on the spot then turn when she turns. Our eyes lock and she pulls me closer where I eventually fall forward with my hands on her face as we kiss. This woman is undoubtedly the most impossible human being to read. I don’t know whether she is angry, sad, frustrated, or simply annoyed. It’s infuriating but I accept her kiss nonetheless. I love kissing Mary and I would do it all day and night if I could. I just want Mary to want me as much as I want her.

Our kiss is rather languid but I only follow Mary’s lead instead of taking my own initiative and when she breaks away, I ache for more but again, I need to respect her. I wait for Mary to speak as she looks at me. I continue to hold my hands on her face, gently stroking her cheeks with my thumbs as I wait patiently.

“Thank you,” she finally speaks.

“You’re welcome,” I quirk up a small smile. “They are freshly baked so they’ll be an excellent pairing for your tea.”

“I meant earlier today. Thank you.”

 _Oh_. Does she really mean that?

“I thought you were mad at me?”

“I was but then I realised that you only wanted to help as you usually do. Mother came in and spoke to me about it and she’s right - you’re only helping me and I should be appreciative of that and I am.”

I can feel my heart melt in my chest and I fall back onto Mary’s mouth with my own, capturing it with a passionate kiss.

“I’ll do anything I can to help you, Mary,” I say. “You work hard and you need to be recognised for it in many ways. I saw that you were agitated with that man and I knew you just wanted it to be a smooth business deal so I wanted to help you. You deserved every coin you asked for and he should have given it to you without question.”

“I know that now and… I’m sorry for snapping at you. I shouldn’t have. Your heart was in a good place so, thank you.”

“Oh, Mary,” I find myself on her lap as I pepper her face with kisses. “There’s no need to apologise. I knew I overstepped my boundary and I’m sorry for that. I-”

“Charlotte,” Mary chuckles, taking my hand and kissing it. “Don’t be sorry. You did nothing wrong. Quite the opposite, in fact.”

Mary’s gaze is soft and welcoming and I end up settling into her side the best I can on her lap. She holds me close, kissing my head, as my fingers toy with her own.

“Did you make some for yourself?” Mary reaches out for her tea where she takes a sip.

“No. Just you.”

“Here,” Mary hands me her cup that I promptly drink from. “Have some more. Your hands are cold.”

“It’s been a cold day.”

Mary signals me to drink some more, which I do, then she offers me a biscuit.

“I made this for you,” I giggle.

“I know but you look like you’re going to float away if you don’t have something in your stomach.”

“I had dinner.”

“And now you can have this, too.”

My sweet Mary… She may be tough, abrasive, cold, and detached but she is also very caring, protective, and loving when she wants to be. She looks after me like a child and I love that about her and I end up having the tea and biscuits myself by her demand. Once I’ve finished, I rest against her and I can’t control my yawn. It’s been a busy day.

“Come,” Mary rubs my arm. “Let’s go to bed. You’re tired.”

“What about your work?”

“That can wait until tomorrow. It’s just documenting.”

“Okay.” I sit up and receive a cheek kiss from my Mary and it gives me the energy to walk upstairs and prepare for bed and thankfully, Mary isn’t too far behind.

She locks up everything before joining me in bed where I snuggle into her side. She always smells so good and is so comfortable to rest upon. It never takes me long to fall asleep with her.

“Sleep,” Mary kisses my head, making sure I have enough sheets pulled over me.

“I will.” I peck her cheek. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

I want to finish with “I love you” but I fear that will be too much. I can’t scare Mary away. I can’t afford to lose her. She is my everything. I just need to be patient. When the time feels right, I will tell her how I feel but for now, I must sleep.


	14. False Hope

I knew it was foolish of me to possibly think that there was any connection between me and Charlotte or, should I say, _Mrs. Murchison_. I thought attending the music recital would be beneficial for both of us. I was adamant that Doctor Lieberson included Mrs. Murchison on the guest list and now, it seems to have backfired on me. I sit in the back row, watching Mrs. Murchison talk with Elizabeth - my former lover. The sight is excruciatingly horrid to observe. The way Elizabeth speaks to Mrs. Murchison and the way she smiles and laughs at what Elizabeth says… it really should be me but I could not make her laugh like that. I have no humour. I have no social confidence or skills. I don’t have anything Elizabeth does. We are polar opposites and the same goes for me and Mrs. Murchison. We are nothing alike.

I must admit, she does look positively radiant tonight. Green is flawless against her fair skin and golden hair. I have had the hardest trouble taking my eyes off her tonight. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. As soon as I met her, I was taken aback by her beauty. I feel that we have gotten closer since she has recovered from her illness but now, that feeling has been stripped away and left me with nothing but humiliation from my false hope. I was foolish to think any sort of romantic feeling between the two of us was alive. It’s clear Mrs. Murchison prefers other company. The more I watch her and Elizabeth interact, the more my stomach twists and my heart cracks, and soon, I cannot bear to be here any longer. I shouldn’t have come.

Standing quietly, I leave the room and out of the building entirely. It’s raining outside but that doesn’t phase me. I dare to peer around the corner to look through the window and I am met with the dreaded sight again - Mrs. Murchison laughing with Elizabeth. My insides knot and I am forced to leave as my heart aches. Trudging through the rain, I make my way down the road and back home. Mother is already in bed by the time I return but the fire is still going. I warm myself by it before bathing and changing into my nightgown. I make myself a cup of tea then open my journal by the fire and begin writing in it as it is the only way I can express my thoughts. I cannot express them to anyone, especially Mrs. Murchison. She has found her own way now and I need to get used to that no matter how painful it is.

I finish writing when the door opens and in walks Mrs. Murchison, her pale-green dress turned a shade darker due to the rain that has soaked into it. She is drenched from head to toe as I was. Why is she wet? Did she walk back by herself? Why is she here? Shouldn't she be with Elizabeth?

“You left me,” she says, closing the door behind her.

I shut my diary and don’t answer. I can’t speak to her. I don’t _want_ to speak to her. She really shouldn’t be here. She should be with Elizabeth. That’s where her heart belongs. Clearly. I am no fool to Elizabeth’s charms. I was charmed the same way Mrs. Murchison was. It’s easy for her to do. She is a pleasant woman - very connected with people, wealthy, empathetic - but I am not. Mrs. Murchison needs to be with her own kind.

“What are you writing?” She probes, sitting next to me and Lord above does she smell divine.

No. I must not fall. As Elizabeth charmed her, I cannot afford to let her charm me. She has already done so effortlessly and I cannot be made a fool of again. I already feel ridiculous.

“May I see?” She goes to grab my diary but I hug it to my chest. “Please, don’t be silly. Let me see.” She grabs onto my diary but I don’t let go. “Please,” her voice is firmer as she pries my diary out from my hands but I don’t fight to get it back.

She opens my diary where she begins to read aloud.

“Is it that I am all alone? Yet in my dreams, I form a view that thinks on me and loves me, too. I start, and when the vision’s flown, I weep and I am all alone.”

She closes my diary and looks at me but I shift my gaze. I feel so vulnerable it makes me feel unwell. I want to leave but I am stuck to my chair, feeling Mrs. Murchison’s eyes on me and it’s intimidating.

“You were the most fascinating person there tonight… and I think the most beautiful.”

Her words strike my heart but I push the feeling away as soon as it happens. Those are just words. They don’t mean anything. I know she would prefer to be with Elizabeth. I know she wants to go back to a more suitable lifestyle than be stuck here with me. Elizabeth could give that to her and more. She would be the perfect match for Mrs. Murchison. Not me. I was a moron to think that I could do that.

Just when I think about leaving, Mrs. Murchison takes my hand and ever so slowly turns it around. Her touch is breathtaking and my eyes shut briefly from the contact but they open and peer down at her hand that rolls mine so my palm is facing the ceiling. I watch her fingers slide down my hand before she goes to lace them with mine but I cannot have that. Instead, I pull away from her, tucking my hands under my shawl and turning away from her. I will NOT be charmed by her. Not after what she did tonight. She really has the audacity to do this to me.

In what feels like an eternity, Mrs. Murchison leaves my side and heads upstairs, leaving me in peace but also leaving me with her beautiful scent of perfume and her. I am annoyed by how accustomed I am to relishing in her scent. I shouldn’t. It’s wrong. She isn’t interested in me in the slightest. I am only someone who her husband has given the duty to keep her company and give her an interest while he is gone. I cannot form any attachment to her. She is simply a guest and she will be gone in several weeks. They will be long, tedious, and tiring but I will manage just as I have heretofore. Perhaps Elizabeth will take her into her house and care for her. Mrs. Murchison won’t protest to that if it happened and if it did, I think it will be for the best for the both of us.


	15. The Morning After

When Charlotte opens her eyes, she realises that she is alone in Mary’s bed but the most salient point is that she is alone and _naked_ in Mary’s bed. Last night was indescribable. Charlotte has never felt such powerful touch by another human being - not even her husband. Charlotte didn’t know what came over her last night. As soon as she kissed Mary, she wanted her. Her lust spiraled out of control. Weeks of tension reached a peak then came crumbling down within minutes. The pair kissed, touched, fondled, caressed, and much more where they ended up in Mary’s bed only to fall asleep in the late hours of the night, rolling over to the morning. It was exquisite.

Looking over her shoulder and around the room, Charlotte fails to find her lover much to her dismay. Charlotte feels slightly abandoned and rejected but she is aware that Mary is devoted to her work so, she decides to look for her further. Charlotte would have preferred to wake up the same way she fell asleep - in Mary’s arms but alas. The blonde slips on her nightgown that is still laying on the floor where it was discarded hurriedly last night. The thoughts send delicious chills down the woman's spine. Charlotte then grabs Mary’s shawl and drapes it around her shoulders, feeling warm and engulfed by her lover even in her absence.

The young woman descends the staircase and searches for Mary but she is nowhere to be found. Charlotte’s heart cracks a little more every room she finds empty. She eventually finds herself in the storefront where Mary’s mother resides, categorising seashells into a divided box.

“Oh, look who’s awake!” The older woman states.

Charlotte is unsure if the statement is sarcastic or genuine but she shrugs it off.

“Good morning. Do you know where Mary is?”

“She’s on the shoreline.”

Charlotte can feel a piece of her heart chip away. _She left without me?_

“Already?”

“Yes. She likes to get an early start. I’m surprised she didn’t take you with her.”

Charlotte forces a tight smile out of both awkwardness and pain.

“Do you know when she’ll be back?”

“She’s been gone for a few hours now. She should be back soon. Probably within the hour.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

With that, Charlotte leaves the storefront and returns upstairs. The woman tries to ignore the pain in her heart but it proves difficult. Charlotte believes that last night was special. Yes, it was hurried and demanding but feelings were present. Both women exchanged something extremely precious and intimate and now, Charlotte feels used… discarded… perhaps both. It’s devaluing and painful.

To distract herself from the negative thoughts, Charlotte begins to dress for the day. Her hair is an absolute mess from the night before but the woman manages to pin it up so it looks respectable. Once that’s done, she tidies Mary’s room and makes her way downstairs where she makes tea for herself and one for Mary before sitting at the kitchen table and waiting.

It seems like hours upon hours pass before Charlotte hears the back door open. Charlotte’s heart skips a beat as she finds her cheeks already flushing and her palms sweating. Charlotte has never been so nervous in her life. So many thoughts flood her mind but before she can process any of them, Mary walks into the kitchen, her dirty hands carrying her fossil basket and her tool bag.

“You’re back,” are the first words to leave Charlotte’s mouth.

Mary responds with a curt nod as she trudges into the storefront where she converses with her mother for about ten minutes before returning to the kitchen for lunch. Charlotte watches Mary carefully, waiting patiently for the older woman to speak but she never does. The silence is unbearable and every second makes Charlotte’s heart weaker. It soon reaches a point where the blonde cannot bear another moment. Putting her tea down, the younger woman approaches Mary, invading her personal space and taking the risk of kissing her.

The paleontologist freezes on the spot but similarly to last night, Charlotte’s kisses are soft and short but this time, Mary places her hands on Charlotte’s shoulders, ultimately stopping her.

“Do you not want me?” The words leave Charlotte’s mouth before she can think.

Mary pauses, focusing on Charlotte’s intense and vulnerable gaze. So many emotions Mary sees and yet, she has no words. Last night was invigorating and extravagant. Mary hasn’t experienced anything like it. It felt like a dream or a scene from a romance novel. A beautiful, young woman took an interest in a rough, older woman and she wants more.

“I…” Mary tries to speak but fails miserably and Charlotte simply nods, tears forming in her eyes.

“I’ll gather my things and return to the hotel.”

Turning swiftly on her heel, the blonde absconds the staircase and is quick to pack her trunk with tears rolling down her cheeks and with her admonishing herself the entire time. How foolish she was to think anything could happen between them. How naïve she was to believe there was a potential blossoming romance. How idiotic she was to feel connected to such an intelligent and headstrong woman. How stupid she was to fall for someone like Mary Anning - brilliant, wonderful, independent, successful, and strong. Charlotte doesn’t live up to Mary’s grandeur.

With her trunk now packed, Charlotte grabs her bonnet and gloves but when she turns around, Mary is standing in the doorway, stopping the blonde from leaving. Mary’s heartstrings are pulled when she sees Charlotte’s eyes red and sore from crying.

“I’m just about to leave,” Charlotte states. “I’m sorry if I offended you. I-”

Charlotte is nearly knocked off her feet when Mary swoops in to kiss her. It takes Charlotte a moment to realise the gravity of the situation to the point where she fails to reciprocate the kiss. It’s only when Mary’s arms pull Charlotte into her that the younger woman returns the gesture and kisses Mary fully like she did last night. Charlotte holds onto Mary for dear life, kissing her as if it were her last.

When the kiss ends, Charlotte scans Mary’s face carefully, looking for any sign of regret, disgust, sorrow, or the like but nothing. Instead, Mary tucks away Charlotte’s hair behind her ear and Charlotte swears she can see the faintest hint of a smile on the brunette’s lips.

“You didn’t offend me,” Mary speaks and Charlotte feels as if she can breathe again. “And there’s no need to leave.”

“You want me to stay?”

Mary nods.

“B, but… why did you leave without me this morning? Why did you stop me kissing you earlier? Why have you pushed me away?”

Mary hoods her eyes and Charlotte feels the woman harbouring great conflict but she doesn’t tap into it. Not now.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Mary begins. “I haven’t met anyone like you before, Charlotte. You are such an extraordinary woman with such potential that you haven’t harnessed yet. You have been a keen student and I thought I was being ridiculous to have thought you would want someone like me.”

Charlotte frowns in offence. “Mary-”

“And I thought last night was impulsive. I thought you were tired and lonely, which was why you… _we_ … did what we did. I should have been more careful. I left early this morning without you because I needed time to think. I wasn’t sure how you were going to be when you woke up either so I thought space was the best thing for us.”

Charlotte feels the cracking of her heart again and it’s gut-wrenching. Another whirlwind of thoughts and feelings consume Charlotte and they cause her to lunge forward and kiss Mary whilst holding her close. Charlotte cannot have Mary think such things. It’s heartbreaking. Charlotte needs Mary to know how special she is and how amazing she is and just how much the blonde adores her and worships the ground she walks on.

“Mary…” Charlotte rests her head against the older woman’s. “Please don’t think so poorly of yourself. Last night was the best night of my life and I wanted to wake up in your arms. I thought you didn’t want me anymore. I felt that I wasn’t good enough for you.”

“Charlotte…” Mary reaches up to hold the younger woman’s face. “How wrong could you be…”

Charlotte closes her eyes as a disobedient tear rolls down her cheek. The impact that Mary has had on Charlotte leaves Charlotte at a complete loss for words. The power Charlotte holds over Mary leaves Mary fearful yet excited. Neither woman truly realise their full potential with the other.

“There’s no need for you to go back to the hotel,” Mary continues.

“I can stay here?”

Mary nods but Charlotte dares to test the waters.

“Do you want me to stay here?”

There’s a pause and Charlotte fears that was too much but to her surprise, Mary answers.

“Yes.”

Sighing with relief, the blonde captures Mary’s lips with an ardent kiss, sighing and moaning softly with gratitude before embracing in a warm hug.

“Would you like to have lunch with me?” Mary asks. “Then we can go onto the beach together.”

“Yes,” Charlotte kisses Mary’s cheek several times. “I’d love that more than anything.”

Charlotte’s smile is broad and pure and it makes Mary smile, not as much but it’s still there.

“Come,” Mary takes Charlotte’s hand. “We need to eat a hardy meal before venturing back out onto the shoreline, especially you.”

“Especially me?” Charlotte giggles, following Mary out of the bedroom.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because when I first met you I thought you were going to float away and I’m not having that happen in my home so let us eat.”

Charlotte giggles again as she hugs Mary’s arm once they’re down the stairs. Charlotte doesn’t believe she has ever felt such infatuation in her life. Mary is truly something else and Charlotte is addicted to her. The craving and desire for the older woman are lethal and uncontrollable and Charlotte knows that those feelings will not dissipate over the course of the next few weeks and she believes that perhaps, they will only intensify...


	16. Ill

I truly feel awful. I can’t remember the last time I felt so dreadful. It was a while ago when I had a fever and Mary cared for me. This isn’t a fever - it’s simply the common cold as the doctor has deduced but Mary is acting as if I have scarlet fever or worse. Nonetheless, how she cares for me is sickly sweet. As soon as I fell ill, Mary called for Doctor Lieberson immediately where she asked him an abundance of questions about my health and how to care for me. I tried reassuring her that I would be fine and could care for myself but she was doing everything BUT listening to me. It’s been two days since that happened and Mary is STILL overprotective of me.

“Mary, I’m fine,” I say. “I would like to sit out on the shoreline and take in the sea air.”

“No, Charlotte,” her voice is firm. “You are staying in bed and I shan’t hear another word of it.”

Mary puts several blankets over my lap before resting a tray on top that supports a bowl of hot stew and fresh bread.

“What will you do?” I ask.

“My work but I’ll be in the storefront so you needn’t worry about me being far because I won’t be.”

“My love, you can go down onto the shoreline. I’ll be fine here.”

“No, I’m not leaving you. Now, eat up.” Mary hands me a spoon then proceeds to tidy up the bedroom.

I appreciate all Mary has done for me but she has treated me like I’m a China doll - fragile and precious as so much not to be touched or else I’ll break. I love Mary with all of my heart and soul but I do not wish to be bedridden for the entire duration of my stay in Lyme. I want to work with Mary again and I want to make love to her again. I was unable to love Mary when I arrived since I was ill and I am craving it more and more each day. I feel like that is weighing on me more than this cold.

“I want it all gone,” says Mary as I am half-way through my stew.

“Mary,” I giggle.

“You need to eat to get better.”

“I AM getting better, my love. I haven’t left your bed since I got here. You should go onto the shoreline to collect more fossils. You haven't done that since I arrived.”

“And I have told you that I don’t mind. Whilst you are unwell, I will remain here to care for you so you don’t have to worry about being alone.”

“Mary-”

“No, Charlotte!” She snaps. “You are staying in bed and that is the last I want to hear of it! Do you understand?” She glares and I immediately fall into submission.

“Yes.”

“Good. I’m going to open up the store now. Ring the bell if you need me.”

Without another word, Mary trudges out of the bedroom and downstairs and I am left in a complete state of shock. This isn’t the first time Mary has snapped at me. Ever since I arrived, Mary has been tense and rather moody with me and I am unsure as to why. I haven’t done anything to her. I haven’t had the chance to do anything as a matter of fact. At first, I felt like it had something to do with her work but that has all been above board so I am left to believe that there is another reason - a deeper reason - as to why she is acting this way. I daren’t call her upstairs to discuss it. She needs time to herself and I need to eat.

~

I haven’t seen much of Mary today but I think that has been on purpose. She’s been avoiding me and it hurts. She has only seen me to check up on me but not much else has been said. I plan to talk to her soon. It’s the evening and Mary is currently getting ready for bed. We had dinner separately and that hurt. I can’t go on like this with her. I need my Mary to be with me physically and emotionally and right now, I feel as if we are at each other’s throats as we once were when we first met. I won’t have that again.

Sitting upright in bed reading, I stop when the bedroom door opens. I see Mary walk inside with her dress folded over her arm as she carries it to the wardrobe and houses it on a shelf. I put my book down and lie on my back as I watch Mary. She is quiet and doesn’t say a word to me, even when she climbs into bed. She pulls the sheets over her and lies on her side, her back facing me.

“Don’t do that,” I say.

“Do what?”

“You know what, Mary. You have been distant from me all day and I can’t stand it any longer. What have I done for you to treat me so? I have missed you today but you have been treating me coldly as if you don’t want me here any longer. My heart aches. Please, talk to me. I don’t want my time here to be like this. It’s awful.”

Mary doesn’t speak immediately and it irritates me. Despite how long I have been with Mary, her long silences still get under my skin. I have developed much patience with her but there are still things that irk me.

“When you fell ill the first time we met… the fever… that frightened me. I didn’t know you well at all but I couldn’t bear to see you unwell in my care. Now, that we’ve grown closer, the thought of you being ill again makes my stomach churn. I could have lost you the first time and I am not going to go through that again. I will do everything in my power to stop that from happening again. The thought of losing you entirely…” Mary shakes her head. “I would lose myself.”

My heart cracks in half and tears flood my eyes.

“Mary…” I grab her shoulder and pull it towards me, instigating her to roll onto her back but I encourage her to face me, which she does, allowing me to hold her. “You’re not going to lose me, my love. I am perfectly healthy.”

“Anything can happen, Charlotte.”

“Yes, but you are not going to lose me so easily. Is that what has been bothering you this whole time?”

She nods and I kiss her head. My sweet Mary… I adore her so much. She is so loving and caring - more than she lets on or would ever like to admit. I feel extremely honoured and privileged that I’m the only one who can experience Mary like this. Despite her rough exterior, she has an extremely soft core and I am the only one who can embrace it and be on the receiving end of it.

“I’m sorry,” Mary utters against my chest, her arms now firmly around me, pressing me to her. “I was so worried.”

“My darling Mary…” I kiss her head. “It’s okay.”

“Do you forgive me?”

“Yes,” I chuckle. “Of course.”

“Good.” Mary kisses my chest and raises her head to look at me. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. A lot better.”

“We can go out onto the shoreline tomorrow. The sea air will do you good. I’ll make us lunch that we can take with us.”

“That sounds like Heaven.” I lean in and kiss Mary softly and I try to kiss her more but she puts her hands on my shoulders, stopping me.

“No, love,” she tells me. “You are unwell and as much as I desire to have you now, your health is far more important. That can wait.”

“Mary…” I whine.

“No. There will be plenty of time for that later. Instead, let us cuddle.”

I don’t fight Mary on the matter but I still pout. I snuggle into her arms where I feel safe and protected as always. Tomorrow is a new day and I am extremely eager to go onto the beach with Mary. Hopefully, that will cure me of my illness and make me eligible for passionate lovemaking with my Mary later that night. I may be wishfully thinking but I will not give up hope.


	17. Departure

“I had to start the babies on my own.”

My mother’s voice is somber as I can feel her blue eyes gaze up at me. Usually, I would assist her but not this time. This time, I feel nothing but sorrow. Charlotte has just left me and I feel that she has taken a piece of me with her. Now I remember why I have always kept my distance from others. The pain of departure is too great to bear. Yes, our time was precious but it was cut too short and now I am left with melancholy. I feel flat and I have no energy or motivation. I need to be alone.

“I think I might go to my bed,” I just manage to voice.

Thankfully, my mother doesn’t stop me as I wander into my bedroom, drawing the curtains and shutting the door. I crawl onto my bed and rest my head upon my pillow where I immediately embrace Charlotte’s scent. I ache to be with her. I hold the pillow close to me as I pretend that it is her that I am holding. I close my eyes and the visions of last night come flooding back to me. Charlotte was so beautiful; breath-taking. I was truly in awe of her. I cherished every minute of our time together. The most heartbreaking sight was that of earlier when Charlotte left. She was doing everything in her power not to cry. The dull look on her face, the sadness in her eyes, and the forced smile she brandished when she stepped into the carriage. I couldn’t reciprocate. I was frozen, trying to ignore the immense pain in my heart that still resides in me now.

I wish that Charlotte didn’t have such an impact on me but she did. From the moment we kissed, I was hers. Probably even before that - the kiss just sealed it. I bring my fingers up to my lips as I recall her kisses. The way she would kiss me was so sweet. She would shower me with an array of kisses ranging from soft pecks to passionate ones that would consume me. I enjoyed them all. I loved the way she kissed me when we made love - full and hungry. It brought us closer together in many ways but mostly, on an emotional and spiritual level. I also loved the way she kissed me at random whether it be on the beach or in the shop, it always made my stomach flutter. It would be little pecks on the cheek or lips, ones that she would sneak in whenever the opportunity arose. They made me smile and made her smile, too.

It feels that I have been robbed. I have been robbed of many things but I fear the thing I have been robbed of the most is that of love. I neglected the idea at first but as time wore on, the thought and _feeling_ grew stronger. I tried to suppress it. I tried to ignore it. I tried to tell myself it was nothing. I even tried to put distance between my body, my heart, and my mind but nothing worked. I feel under Charlotte’s spell and yet, there is naught I can do about it. Charlotte is gone and I cannot shower her with the love and affections that she so desperately needs. I should have been more affectionate towards her. I should have given her what she needed. She gave so much to me and I hardly did anything.

When I read the letter from Roderick, I felt my heart shatter as if it were made of glass. I felt like my whole life was being taken away from me before it actually was. It felt like the final hours of my life were ticking mercilessly and loudly in my ears and when Charlotte left in the carriage, the clock stopped and I felt dead inside. My life has not been easy and I have done my utmost to keep myself and my ailing mother above the poverty line and I have been rather content with my life but now that doesn’t matter to me anymore. That’s not important. Charlotte - she is what’s important. Having her show up in my store that day was the best thing that ever happened to me. Even though she was clad in black and in mourning, she still looked so radiant and graceful. I had trouble averting my gaze at times. Never in my life have I been witness to such beauty and elegance. Charlotte Murchison really is something else. She is out of this world - an angel.

Melancholia or not, she was too good for me. She really does belong in London as a lady of leisure. She doesn’t belong on the unforgiving shores of Lyme. I often worried about her when we were out there. The last thing I wanted was for her to catch another chill. I always made sure that she was well rugged up and ate plenty to restore and maintain her energy. I did treat her very much like a mother figure but that didn’t phase me. Her health was more important than my pride. I hope that she doesn’t fall back into the abyss of her melancholia. She is returning to the place where she fell victim to it to begin with. Roderick wanted me to give Charlotte an interest and I hope that her interest will be carried out back in London. I hope that Roderick will give her the care that she needs but I fear that won’t be the case. He left her before so who is to say that he won’t leave her again?

The thought of Charlotte being alone makes me shudder. She is too precious to be alone. She deserves all the love, care, and attention in the world. She deserves anything and everything her heart desires but I wish to be selfish and say that she deserves to be here with me but I know that’s not true. I cannot give her what she needs nor wants in regards to money but I can give her love. I will do everything I can to ensure that she receives it adequately. I am fully aware that I am distant and rather cold and callous but with Charlotte… I feel warm and whole. I want to open up and let her into my mind and soul. I welcome her physical touches and her love. I have never wanted that before. I have never felt anything like this before, which is why I deduce it to be love. What else could it possibly be?

As the days roll on, I find it difficult to concentrate on my work. I am so accustomed to Charlotte being by my side as she hands me my tools, asks questions, helps with the etching and documenting, and so on. Now, I have to do that by myself. I never thought the day would come where I would be so disheartened about carrying out my work in solitary but I have to push on. I still need to work and provide for myself and my mother whom of which I don’t think took too kindly to Charlotte. She was always distant and cool towards her. They didn’t get off on a good footing ever since Charlotte fell ill and I had to care for her. The resentment was petty but my mother has always been stubborn, practical, and headstrong. Perhaps greedy to an extent but she has always done what’s best for us and I have always respected that.

However, I do not respect the moment I walk into the kitchen and see her pricing a mirror and it’s the mirror that Charlotte completed. It’s only small, cheap, and quite ugly but Charlotte finished sticking seashells along the frame for me, and to me, it means the world.

“What you doing?” I probe.

“I’m gonna sell this thing,” she mumbles as if it were nothing and to her, it is.

Pursing my lips, I grab the mirror and return it to its place on the wall, making sure that it’s straight. I don’t even bother looking at my mother as I am too agitated. Instead, I walk into the storefront where I resume my work in silence. I need to calm down.

~

First Charlotte and now, my mother. Her death has left me with absolutely nothing. My mother and I didn’t always get along but we didn’t always fight either. We were all that we had left and now, I have nothing left - NO ONE left.

_“…Is it that I am all alone? Yet in my dreams, I form a view that thinks on me and loves me, too. I start, and when the vision’s flown, I weep and I am all alone…”_

My poem rings in my ears as I look down at my mother, black resting upon her pale skin. I reach out and touch her foot that is colder than the English Channel itself. As I hold onto her, I can feel that she is truly gone. Every day I saw her life deteriorate and I felt helpless that I couldn’t do anything to cure her. I knew deep down that I was going to lose her and I tried to prepare for it but you cannot truly prepare for something such as this. Death is final. It is unforgiving and selfish. At the end of all things, we fall victim to its grasp but yet, it doesn’t make it easier for those left behind who are alive and well.

For the first time, I sit in the storefront drawing something not relating to my work. I opened my diary and I found the rough sketch I began of Charlotte moments before she woke up from her illness. I haven’t touched it since but now, it’s all I can focus on. How I wish Charlotte was here with me. She would know what to say. She would care for me. I feel so empty and I can feel my soul cry out for her. I want to be in her arms and weep into her chest. I want her to give me reassuring and supportive kisses. I want her to take this pain from me. I want my love back. Oh, Charlotte… please, come back. I cannot live without you. Why do those who I love the most leave me?

Just I am in the middle of my thoughts and drawing, the storefront door opens and I am quick on my feet to respond.

“We’re closed.”

“It’s me, Mary.” I freeze at the familiar voice. “Can I come in?”

It’s Elizabeth. Usually, I would avoid her but right now, I need somebody and now that Charlotte has left and my mother is gone, nobody in this town knows me. I silently invite Elizabeth in where we sit at the kitchen table and have tea. I don’t have much to say. I don’t think I can say anything right now. I feel as if my vocabulary has been stolen from me.

“I’m so sorry, Mary,” Elizabeth begins. “Molly was a perspicacious woman. How she carried on after your father died was admirable. Tell me, have you been in correspondence with your Mrs. Murchison recently?”

Her name throws me and I shift in my seat. My Mrs. Murchison… I do like the sound of that.

“She’s clever… and funny. I very much enjoyed her company. It pleases me that you struck up a friendship together.”

Yes, I know you enjoyed her company. I have to take a breath to calm down. I still haven’t forgotten what happened between them at the music recital. Charlotte had reassured me that nothing happened or was intended to happen and I believed her but I held my doubts about Elizabeth and I still do.

“I know I hurt you terribly,” she says. “And I am deeply sorry for that. I just wasn’t sure I could live up to you… or your expectations of me… I wasn’t the enemy but it often felt like I was.”

“I tried…” I utter.

“No, I don’t think you did… Not really. You did everything you could to be distant. Eventually, I stopped trying… It seems that your Mrs. Murchison has unlocked something in you that I couldn’t.”

 _Love._ My heart begins to pound at the thought of Charlotte and I lose myself in my thoughts until Elizabeth places her hand on top of mine. The touch causes tears to fill my eyes and I peer up at Elizabeth who graces me with a kind smile and it’s then I realise that she actually isn’t the enemy. She never was. She was always there for me. She never had an ulterior motive. She was being a friend and after everything that’s happened, that’s exactly what I need.

~

Sleep seems to be one of the most difficult tasks for me. What was once easy has turned into a hurdle. I barely sleep and I am left exhausted. Losing two of the most cherished people in my life has destroyed me from the inside out. I grow weaker as the days go on but I force myself to do what I can. It’s just me now and I have to survive. Mother would not want me to give up. I couldn’t afford to and I still can’t despite how easy it would be.

Rising from my bed, I walk downstairs to make a tea but before I can, there is a knock on the front door. I am not in the mood for visitors but thankfully, it’s the mailman. He hands me a small letter and I immediately recognise the handwriting - Charlotte. My heart leaps into my throat as I stare down at the small square of paper. I place it on the table and sit down, staring at it as my heart pounds. Charlotte… She has written to me… _My_ Charlotte… Grabbing the letter, I press it to my nose where I can smell faint traces of her perfume on it and it makes what little of my heart swell and it gives me the strength and courage to open the letter. As soon as I see her beautiful handwriting, tears form in my eyes but I press on to read.

_My Darling Mary,_

_I was so sorry to hear about the passing of your Dear Mother. How I long to hold you. Comfort you in my arms. There would be little I could say to take away your grief. But if I could have you close, you would have known I was with you. I long for those few weeks we spent together. Cozy is your cottage. Warm and safe. Will you come to London?_

Oh, Charlotte… My sweet, caring, beautiful, loving Charlotte. She has invited me to London while her husband is away working. It will be the two of us alone again. Oh, Charlotte, yes, I will come to London! To be with her will mend my heart and make me whole once more. Dropping the letter, I open the drawer and extract paper and a pencil. I am so excited I can barely hold the pencil upright in my hand but I press on as I respond to my love. Oh, Charlotte, how I long to be in your arms…


	18. Touch (Part 2)

Ever since I can remember, I have always loved being touched. I have adored affections of all kinds and I have welcomed every one of them. They make me feel loved and whole. It’s such a euphoric feeling to have physical contact with another human being. It does something in me that lifts my spirits entirely. It makes me feel alive in so many ways. Hugging is one of my favourite things. I love being in the arms of someone who cares about me, even if it’s only brief. I grew up giving and receiving such acts of love but unfortunately, that came to a halt when I met Roddy. He has never been an affectionate man. He has always been distant and cold in that regard. I tried to get him to hold me, kiss me, but nothing worked. When we lost our baby, that was the final nail in the coffin. It was as if he avoided me entirely. He didn’t even want me to touch him. That was heartbreaking.

I never thought that I would return to my life of love and affection. I longed for it dearly and I had to stop myself from thinking about it too much or else I found myself upset and I didn't have time to be so upset. I had been blue for too long. I couldn't continue to live like that and now, I know that I don’t have to. Now, I have met an amazing woman. Yes, she is cold and hard but deep down, she is warm and soft and I have come to realise that she is just as touch starved as I am. When we shared our first kiss, my whole body caught fire, and when we made love for the first time… I felt reborn. Mary and I didn’t get on the right foot when we first met but now, we’re inseparable. Mary is open to giving and receiving affections and I melt every time. I had always wondered what the touch of another woman would be like. I often admonished myself for thinking such things but that only made the urge stronger.

Right now, I’m scraping carrots for dinner while Mary washes up from our work on the beach. I have learned a lot from my time with Mary, even how to cook my own meals and be independent. It’s a good feeling providing and looking after myself. Just as I move onto the last carrot, I feel a pair of arms slip around me and a head rest on my shoulder. My heart flutters.

“How are you coming along?” Mary asks.

“Very well.” I turn my head to kiss the woman but I’m not satisfied so I turn around entirely and end up kissing her harder, my hands grabbing her face to hold her mouth to mine.

Mary’s hands slide onto my waist as they pull me to her and I welcome it. I could kiss Mary all day and night. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and she is so caring, nurturing, and loving. She’s who I’ve been looking for all this time. I knew I was missing something in my life but that something turned out to be someone and I couldn’t embrace it more. Mary is all I could ever want. I don’t care about anything else but her. I would gladly spend the rest of my life here in Lyme with her. I do like the arrangement we have here but my favourite part is to return to Lyme and be with Mary and be free with her. Lyme is more my home than London is or ever was. I feel like I belong here.

“My Mary…” I utter, my knees going weak when she kisses my neck.

“My Charlotte…”

I whimper at the name and force her lips back to mine for an all-consuming kiss. Mary pushes me against the table before bending down to pick me up and place me on it, which I am ever so thankful for because I was uncertain how long my legs were able to hold me. Mary’s hands slide along my legs and the fact that she is not taking my dress with it irritates me so, with a lack of patience, I grab my dress and begin to pull it up. It doesn’t take much to get me riled up. I want Mary every second of every day and it’s so difficult to keep my hands off of her. Thankfully, Mary assists me and raises my dress to my hips where she then grabs the hem of my undergarments and pulls them down. My heart is now thumping and Mary is mere seconds away from giving my body what it craves but just as Mary slides her hand up my leg, the doorbell rings, and I want to scream.

“Leave it,” I beg. “Please, leave it, Mary.”

“I can’t, my love.” Mary parts with a kiss and I whine.

“Mary, please!”

“I’ll be back.” Mary breaks free from my grasp as she heads into the storefront to deal with a potential customer while I pout.

I am beyond irritated. Mary has been working all day and when I finally have the chance to be intimate with her, that is interrupted by more of her work. I listen the best I can and hear Mary talking to the customer about her fossils and I know she is going to be a while. Reluctantly, I slide off the table, fix my clothes, and resume making dinner. 

That was torture for me. Pure torture. I have wanted Mary all day. I have craved her intimate touch so desperately. I know I shouldn’t be pouting as much as I am but I am too angry and frustrated not to. I use cooking to distract myself but I am still annoyed.

I’m not sure how long I am making dinner for but it’s nearly finished when I hear the storefront door open and close again. Mary enters the kitchen and puts her arms around me and it’s hard not to succumb entirely.

“Charlotte,” Mary speaks. “What’s wrong?”

I simply shake my head.

“Charlotte, don’t do that. Use your words.”

I still don’t speak but I don’t have to when Mary begins to pepper my neck with kisses that make it extremely troublesome for me to keep my eyes open.

“He’s gone now, love,” she says. “I had to attend to him. He purchased the ammonite we found last week and he paid a good price for it. He’ll be coming back next week to look some more. Now that he’s gone, I can pick up where I left off if you’ll let me?”

Mary’s voice is gentle and my knees go weak. Only with me does Mary speak so softly and warmly. Only with me does Mary touch me how I need it the most. As soon as her arms slip around me, I fall back into her embrace and welcome her kisses.

“Mary…” I breathe. “Dinner is ready.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No.”

“Do you want dinner to go cold?”

“No.”

She breathes a laugh before stopping her affections.

“Mary-” I go to protest but Mary silences me by spinning me around and kissing me fully.

“Come, my love - let us eat then we can continue upstairs where it’s far more comfortable and where I can hold you.”

I want to protest further but Mary is right - the bedroom is much better and the thought of her holding me naked in her arms is Heaven on earth so I nod.

“Good. This looks delicious.”

I serve Mary dinner before myself and I am eager to eat as is Mary and once our food has settled, I am quick to the bedroom with Mary following close behind. Our lovemaking is intense and passionate and when we’re done, I lay in Mary’s arms as she gently strokes my skin with the tips of her fingers that draw me into a light slumber. The way her fingers skim along my body brings me to a new level of peace and comfort I never knew existed. Her touches are so soft almost like that of a mother touching her newborn baby for the first time - gentle and caring. She traces me as if I’ll break if she applies any further pressure. Every stroke that passes leaves a trail of tingles but they are delicious and addictive.

When she touches my back, I could fall completely asleep but I resist as I need to feel her touching me. Nobody has touched my back as Mary has. Not even Roddy. He was never affectionate like that. It’s unmarked territory and having Mary invade it is delightful beyond measure. It’s a part of me that aches for comfort and caresses. I feel so vulnerable in my naked state but even more so when Mary touches me as she does. Every time she holds me, caresses me, kisses me, or the like, I feel so accepted and appreciated as a woman. My body screams out for more as the feeling of overwhelming desire and need resonates deep within my core. It’s hungry and Mary is the only one who can feed it. She is the only one who I WANT to feed it.

When I open my eyes, it’s the following morning and Mary gently wakes me with kisses and cuddles - the best way to wake. We spend the day fossil hunting and every now and then, Mary will sneak up to me and steal a kiss or a cuddle, each of them making me fall more and more in love with her. To make love on the beach would be romantic and exciting but I have to curb my lustrous thoughts. I would make love to Mary anywhere anytime if she so desired - that’s how much I crave the woman.

By the end of the day, Mary and I are truly exhausted. We have dinner together then bathe. I let Mary wash before me as I clean up. She needs the rest more than I do. She says that she doesn’t but I can see how tired she is. Once I finish cleaning, I quickly bathe and enter the bedroom where Mary is already in bed waiting for me. I smile at her and walk to my side of the bed, place the candle down, and climb into bed with my Mary. The bed is warm and welcoming. I blow out the candle and snuggle into Mary’s side, gently resting my head on her shoulder and hand on her chest where I can feel her heart under my palm and Mary is quick to lace our fingers together. This is the best part of the day - getting into bed and snuggling with Mary. I feel like I was born to be with her. We complement each other in so many ways. I feel so safe and protected with her and I feel like I am the only human being who can see this side of her and who can grant me the powerful gift of touch and love. 

I kiss her neck where Mary turns and looks at me and her gaze is intense and I know she is thinking. Instead of interrupting her thoughts, I simply lean up to kiss her and Mary pulls me in just that little bit closer and I can feel her heart beat faster when it happens. The kiss is magical and when it ends, I feel content. Smiling at Mary again, I rest on her shoulder and feel her lips touch my head. It’s such an affirming kiss that I feel I cannot go to sleep without. It’s a promise that Mary will always be there for me and protect me. Every night she kisses my head and it’s the perfect way to conclude the night but there is one pivotal thing that is missing that NEEDS to accompany the kiss.

“I love you,” I utter.

I can feel Mary smile as she places another kiss on my head and draws me in closer with her arm as she replies lovingly, “I love you, too.”


	19. Cooking Lessons

Charlotte has never learned to cook. That part is obvious. Growing up wealthy where everything was given to her on a plate required little skill in manual labor even such a simple thing as cooking. Maids did that so there was no need for Charlotte to do it. But now, things are different. Charlotte is with Mary and with Mary, there are no maids. There is only Mary and her wits and Charlotte has to learn to look after herself.

“Charlotte!” Mary calls out and the blonde is quick on her feet to attend to her beloved.

“Yes, my love?” Charlotte greets her warmly, snaking her arms around the brunette’s waist, loving the feel of her body in her arms.

“I’m going to teach you how to cook.”

Charlotte is taken aback. “To cook?”

“Yes. Stand alongside me.”

Charlotte obeys and takes the knife Mary hands her. The blonde is nervous. Mary can sense that but confidence is something Charlotte also needs to learn but that is her own journey and all Mary can do is guide her along the path to gaining it.

“Now, grab the carrot and hold it vertically like this.”

Charlotte takes a carrot and holds it so it’s on a slant.

“Good. Rest the knife at the top of the carrot, pressing down on it but not too hard then gently slide it down…” Mary executes the action as if it were the easiest task in the world. “Don’t press too hard or else you’ll snap it like you did the first time you tried. You want to have enough pressure so it can take the skin off.”

“Right,” Charlotte nods and swallows nervously.

Remembering what Mary said, Charlotte goes to skin the carrot, only to take a chunk out of the side. The younger woman hisses at herself in frustration and her cheeks flush from embarrassment.

“Here,” Mary takes Charlotte’s hands and positions them correctly. “Gently,” she repeats and guides Charlotte through the motions, successfully peeling off a strip of carrot skin and it makes Charlotte smile proudly. “Try again.”

With another nod, Charlotte turns the carrot and begins another attempt, and this time, she succeeds alone.

“I did it!” She beams. “I did it, Mary!”

The brunette laughs. “Well done. Finish the rest of it off.”

The rest of the carrot peeling isn’t as graceful as Charlotte would like but she doesn’t give up since she is determined to do her best for Mary and to prove that she isn’t completely useless. Mary has taught her so much over their time together and Charlotte loves it.

“How was that?” Charlotte checks, the carrot looking a little worse for wear but it’s adequate enough for the meal ahead.

“Better than the first time. Keep going. There are a few there for you to peel. Once you’ve done that, we’ll move onto the potatoes and how to cut them.”

“Right.”

Peeling the rest of the carrots takes Charlotte quite a bit of time but, as always, Mary is patient and encouraging, which helps Charlotte’s confidence grow.

“Now, there are many ways you can cut carrots but for what we’re doing, we’re going to cut them on an angle," Mary begins. "Firstly, you cut the ends off then hold the knife on an angle and chop until you reach the end.”

Charlotte watches attentively, taking in everything, and the demonstration finishes too quickly for her liking.

“You try.”

Picking up the knife again, Charlotte mimics Mary’s actions and cuts away at the carrot. The sizes are uneven but again, Mary is encouraging and soon, Charlotte cuts them accurately. By the end of it, Charlotte is extremely proud of herself to the point where she wants to do more.

“What else needs doing?” She asks.

“You can stir the stew. Here,” Mary takes Charlotte’s hand as they step over to the stew. “Stir this while I put the remaining vegetables and herbs in it.”

“Okay.”

Mary hands Charlotte a wooden spoon then grabs the chopping board with vegetables and herbs and carefully pours them into the pot.

“There. That should do nicely,” Mary nods and Charlotte smiles at her before reaching out to kiss her.

Mary accepts the kiss that is soon followed by another then another after that.

“Charlotte,” Mary mumbles.

“Mm…” Charlotte merely hums as she sinks further into the kisses.

“Not now, love.” Mary pulls away, causing Charlotte to whine. “Dinner first. You’re doing well. We don’t want to spoil that.”

With a pout, Charlotte releases Mary and continues stirring. Mary pecks the blonde’s cheek in thanks then lays the table. Mary has never said anything but the woman thinks Charlotte’s pout is absolutely adorable. Mary knows that Charlotte lives off her kisses and affections and when she doesn’t receive them, she is like a child - spoiled but ever so precious.

Charlotte serves dinner, still with a heavy pout on her lips. Mary bites back a giggle as she is quick to coax her lover out of her state.

“The vegetables taste wonderful,” Mary speaks. “They are cooked well and are a good sizing. I think I will get you to cook again tomorrow night. You are a fast learner. I’m impressed.”

The final two words shift Charlotte from her pout and into a beaming grin. Mary’s heart flutters at the sight.

“I hope the cake I purchased earlier will compliment this dinner,” says Charlotte.

“Yes, I think it will.”

With pleased smiles and flirtatious exchanged looks, the pair finish dinner and move into their cake that Charlotte hastily eats and Mary knows the reason behind it. She always does. Charlotte makes it abundantly clear with her eyes, body, and mood. Charlotte is too beautiful to resist and making love to her is Mary’s favourite thing to do, even above her work.

“Can we go to bed now?” Charlotte asks the second the cleaning up is done.

“Yes, love. You can go first. I just want to finish documenting then I’ll be right up.”

“Mary…” Charlotte whines. “That can wait.”

“No, I want to get it done before I sleep and forget my words. You know that’s important to me.”

With another pout, Charlotte hangs her head. She knows Mary is right. She knows how important it is to the woman. She knows all of this but it doesn’t make it any easier when Charlotte is so desperate for the paleontologist. Learning how to cook has made Charlotte want the woman more than usual. Charlotte loves learning things from Mary and she loves how nurturing and patient the older woman is with her. It creates a fire within Charlotte that she can’t extinguish.

“Fine,” she huffs.

“I won’t be long.” Mary places a chaste kiss on Charlotte's lips before retreating to the storefront.

Charlotte bathes then absconds the staircase and climbs into bed, patiently waiting for her lover. However, by the time Mary has finished documenting, she is exhausted and when she bathes and enters her bedroom, the sight of her bed is Heaven and she swears she could fall asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow.

“You’re finally done,” Charlotte states, propping herself up on her elbow with a mischievous grin.

“I am.” Mary puts her dress away and slides into bed but instead of resting, she is greeted with tender kisses along her neck. “Charlotte,”

“Shh…” The blonde kisses her fully before moving on top of her.

“Charlotte, I’m quite tired.”

“I need to thank you for teaching me how to cook…”

Leaning down, Charlotte captures Mary’s lips with her own as she undoes her gown, takes Mary’s hand, and places it on her breast. Mary goes weak and within seconds, she succumbs to her gorgeous lover and Mary quickly deduces that she needs to teach Charlotte how to cook more often.


	20. Tension

Charlotte’s feelings for Mary have skyrocketed within the past hour and she is hopeless to stop it. When the paleontologist practically demanded that the blonde attend Doctor Lieberson’s music recital with her, Charlotte’s heart melted.

_“And as her friend, I disagree…”_

_Friend_. The word is warm and welcoming and Charlotte is extremely honoured to be bestowed that appellation of being Mary’s friend but a part of the woman hopes there is more. There is tension in the air. Charlotte can feel it. Mary can feel it. It’s smothering. They both want to act on it but they are unsure if the other reciprocates those unspoken, intense feelings. All Charlotte can think about is Mary’s confrontation with Doctor Lieberson earlier. She has difficulty controlling her smile. The fact that Mary was so adamant and rather forceful was admirable and perhaps _attractive_.

Mary isn’t the most sociable of people but the thought of attending something with Charlotte made her quite the opposite. Mary is unsure of the spell Charlotte has put on her but like Charlotte herself, Mary is hopeless to stop the gushing feelings she has for the younger woman. Beautiful, caring, smart, funny, and unique Charlotte is. Mary hasn’t encountered anyone such as her. It’s both a blessing and a curse for Mary is unsure where she stands with her. Women are a much preferable option for Mary. They are beautiful in many ways and now, Mary finds herself longing for the blonde she has been assigned to look after. At first, she was irate about the matter but things have changed. Now, the brunette wants Charlotte in her arms to kiss her fully with all that she has. Little does Mary know, Charlotte wants _exactly_ that.

Trudging upstairs, Mary spots Charlotte preparing for tonight’s music recital in her bedroom. She is only half-way dressed as she rubs moisturiser into her arms and hands. Mary takes a moment to admire Charlotte from afar. Her back is flawless and she still looks ever so beautiful in her undergarments. Mary is eager to see the final result. Trapped under Charlotte’s beauty, Mary is caught out in her daze as Charlotte turns to the woman and Mary is knocked awake by her gaze. Thankfully, Charlotte doesn’t question her. Instead, she sports a gentle smile before reaching behind her, signaling assistance for her corset strings. Without a word, Mary enters her room and takes her place behind the young beauty.

As Mary ties the corset, she cannot help her wandering eyes that trail Charlotte’s flawless back that appears to be untouched by any blemishes, scarring, or the like. It’s pure and youthful. The longer Mary gazes, the harder it is for her to keep her desires under control. To reach out and touch Charlotte would be delightful. To lean in and kiss her skin would be Heaven. Mary finds her knees going weak at the thought. Charlotte is beautiful and there is no disputing that but Mary mustn’t succumb. Charlotte is married and she is only here for a few more weeks. Mary must focus on her work instead of Charlotte but as the days go on, that proves to be more and more difficult.

Once the corset is tied, Mary remains behind Charlotte, entrapped by her gorgeous figure and her natural scent that is mixed in with her perfume that is sweet and alluring. Mary is astounded about how it’s possible but the artificial scent seems to make Charlotte even more attractive, which Mary thought to be inconceivable. Charlotte feels Mary’s presence behind her and it’s making her heart pound in her chest. Is Mary aware of the effect she has on the girl? This is painful for Charlotte to the point where she turns around to the older woman and is taken aback by her beauty. Charlotte doesn’t mean to stare so she quickly smiles. Despite Mary being twice Charlotte’s age, she still finds the scientist painstakingly stunning. As soon as Charlotte met Mary, she could see past her rough exterior and capture the beauty within.

Shifting, Charlotte takes her small tube of perfume and turns to Mary where she takes her hands and holds them out to place the scent on her wrists. The entire time, Mary gazes at Charlotte, growing weaker and weaker by her gentle touch. Charlotte presses Mary’s wrists together to rub the perfume. Charlotte’s smile returns as the two meet one another’s gaze and they are yet again awestruck by the other’s beauty. Charlotte cannot take her eyes off the older woman who raises her wrist to her nose where she takes in the scent that makes her smile. The expression causes Mary’s heart to melt. She could watch Charlotte’s smile all day.

Unfortunately, the pair’s sweet encounter is cut short when Molly calls out for her daughter. The sound causes their hearts to sink and a pang of annoyance rings through Mary. Both of them turn to the door where Molly’s voice echoed and Charlotte fails to hide her disappointment as her face falls and she turns to Mary, wordlessly pleading her not to go. Mary goes to speak to Charlotte but instead, she turns on her heel and leaves the bedroom with Charlotte watching on, leaving her even hungrier for the brunette.

When Mary exits Charlotte’s sight completely, the blonde reluctantly turns around and continues to get ready with the only thought on her mind being how desperate she was for Mary to kiss her. Charlotte could feel Mary’s soft breath on her back and she was internally screaming out for Mary to kiss the back of her neck or hold her or SOMETHING. It was utter torture and Charlotte is at a loss for how she is going to survive these next few weeks. The tension is already unbearable and Charlotte feels that it is only a matter of time before she yields to her urges.

Mary sits next to her mother once she has finished dressing. Mary’s sea-blue dress fits her perfectly and Mary can’t remember the last time she wore it but she is glad that it is still a comfortable fit. Fiddling with the invitation in her hands, Mary’s mind thinks back to Charlotte as she eagerly awaits the blonde. Many thoughts rush through Mary’s head, wondering what Charlotte will wear this evening but her thoughts are interrupted when the kitchen door opens and in walks Charlotte who is clad in a green dress with her hair pinned up neatly. Small pearls hang from Charlotte’s ears as light makeup accentuates her immaculate and encapsulating features.

Charlotte’s eyes divert straight to Mary, subtly seeking her opinion and approval for her attire as she quickly looks at her dress and back to Mary with a gentle grin. Swept away but Charlotte’s enhanced elegance, Mary’s lips part and Charlotte’s smile broadens, her heart skipping a beat as she sees the effect her attire has had on the woman. Mary’s attire doesn’t go unnoticed by Charlotte either. The older woman looks gorgeous and Charlotte is taken aback by how well Mary scrubs up. However, Charlotte is far more focused on what Mary thinks of her green dress and so far, all is right. To have Mary look at her as if she were the most stunning woman in the world is all Charlotte wanted and more. For the first time in her life, Charlotte feels appreciated as a woman and she hopes that Mary will continue to look at her this way and more importantly, make her FEEL this way for the many days ahead…


End file.
